Forgive me if you've gotten this through email before, but I had to chuckle when I read it on a friend's blog. I had to add some of my own too. I think I'll get it laminated into a wallet-size card and include it with all future wedding gifts.
WORDS WOMEN USE
1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with “Nothing” usually end in “Fine”.
4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!
5. Loud Sigh: This actually is not a word, but a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
6. That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say ”You’re welcome”.
8. Whatever : Is a women’s way of saying YOU SUCK!!
9. Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking “What’s wrong?” For the woman’s response, refer to #3.
Now for Jaime's add-ons.
1o. We should: this could be followed by any number of endings--we should pull out the fridge and clean behind it, we should mow the lawn, we should go talk to our son's teacher, etc. It really means "you should" and most likely means pretty darn soon, too.
11. Are you sure?: It's not a good idea. Cease and desist immediately.
12. Sitting down on the opposite side of the couch when watching TV together: another key non-verbal statement that means think long and hard about what you messed up today, buster. And if you cross that line between cushions to take my hand or even--heaven forbid--try to get frisky you are so going to get it!
13. No really, I don't mind: Complete and total lie. She does mind, and plans on sitting clear across the couch later.
14. So-and-so's husband/boyfriend is so sweet: Stop whatever you are doing and listen hard. It wouldn't be a bad idea to get out a pen and paper and take notes.
Any of these sound familiar, ladies? Anyone think of ones I missed?
**Disclaimer: Of course this list is purely for humorous purposes and there is no way I use any of these women-words :) **
Have a great weekend! It's sunny and I plan on swimming and baking in UV rays. Yippee!!