Song: "Running from the Scene" by Manic Bloom
*epiphany* I finally get it. Until now, I didn't know that all the reasons I thought I chose to have children were completely wrong. The whole idea that I will grow as a person, that by relinquishing my own life for that of my children will make me more compassionate, that we will continue on the family, that a part of me will live on in someone else, yada yada yada. Total bunk. Some of you may still be deceived by these and other faulty reasons.
But the real reason for having kids is to have your own child labor force.
Yep. That's it. We need to get back to our roots. Our ancestors knew all about it, that's why they had monster families. They needed children to run the farm! Well, I've been working way too hard, while my labor force runs around and plays.
"No more," says I. "I am now enlightened."
So how did my first morning of enlightenment go? We woke up to 3 inches of snow and it kept falling. Jason had to leave early for a conference, so I was gearing up to shovel the driveway while my children watched me out the windows from the comfort of the warm house. Fortunately my oldest is a real smartie, and he was bundled up in snow gear before I finished breakfast. "I'm going to shovel the driveway," he announced. Whereupon his younger siblings--who melt into a puddle of wailing and tears when I tell them to make their beds--quickly got dressed too and headed outside.
And my labor force shoveled the driveway and sidewalks. I didn't even have to put on snow boots. It was marvelous!! I've been working waaaay too hard.
Don't let their adorable-ness fool you. They're just my personal sweat shop.
I am a magnanimous tyrant. I let them start a snow fort after they were finished.
**Disclaimer: This blog is completely tongue in cheek. I in no way condone, agree with, or participate in the very real atrocity of child labor. I find the practice abhorrent and of course will give my children two 15 minute breaks, a lunch hour, and the video game time they are entitled to by the U.S. Constitution. Oh, wait. That's not in the Constitution?**
(Just getting used to the avalanche of political correctness on the horizon.)