Thursday, January 29, 2009

The Small-Chested Woman's Creed

Status: Science Fair project is finished & turned in. YEA!
What I'm listening to: "Incognito" by Enigma


THE SMALL CHESTED WOMAN'S CREED

I am not flat. Lithe, svelte, dainty--yes.

I will assert to any who doubt that Yes, Nearly A is a legitimate bra size.

I will never have to endure underwire. (Poor women.)

I will shop with pride in the Juniors section.

I will stare down each and every busty Victoria Secret salesgirl who says in disbelief, "I don't think we even make bras that small."

I will be happy as I run comfortably.

I will have no shame at having the figure of a 10 year-old.

I will try not to be smug when my curvier friends bemoan the effects of gravity.

I refuse to wear a training bra. I graduated from "training" long ago.

I will not even try on a top that has darts in the chest area.

Swimming suit shopping will not drive me to tears.

I will not even bother with a water bra. Despite the advertising,
it only looks like I stuffed my mom's bra with partially-filled water balloons.

I will be happy with the fact that I only bounce when I want to (on trampolines, etc).

I can lie on my stomach easily.

I never have to worry about smothering my baby while breastfeeding.


No one will ever wonder if my chest is natural.

I can give front hugs to anyone I want.


*Probably falls in the category of TMI (too much info.) but it popped into my head during carpool the other day & I had to share. Small-chested women, Unite!

7 comments:

Beeswax said...

AHH. I fluctuate quite a bit, with weight and babies and what-not, so I can say I've been on both sides of the underwire divide. I can honestly say I prefer the small. Too bad my hips don't shrink in proportion. I should write a similar creed for the pear-shaped woman.

Stay high and proud!

Deborah said...

Having a bad day in shopping? The only thing thing worse than not finding anything small enough is finding something big enough.

The sign in word is a hoot.

insinsin

Parkers said...

Amen sister!! I am right there with you!

Jenny Wimmer said...

I am with you sister! I was buying a training bra for Chloee the other day and I said to myself, I could actually fit in this! I am a fan of Victoria's Secret bras. The Angels Secret Embrace Push-Up is a good one. It makes me look like a little up top!

Lori-ann said...

I wish I had your problem, Jaime. If only... Like gravity. I HATE gravity. I can't unite with you but I wish I was small everywhere like you. How come YOU got all the skinny, small genes and left everything for me?

PTTTTHHHHH

Crystal Liechty said...

Ohymygosh, this is brilliant! I was laughing out loud the whole time. You need to publish this somewhere!
Substantial bossoms run in my family (I was one of the smaller ones with my B cup) so I never had to deal with this but I had lots of friends who were small and I never understood why they were self-conscious 'cause every one of them was gorgeous.
Was that TMI on my part?

Crystal said...

That was really, really funny. I can't entirely relate, but I enjoyed it just the same!