We’ve all heard the saying “Kids say the darndest things,” or “Kids say the funniest things.”
I might add “Kids repeat the most embarrassing things” or “Kids can instantly offend an elevator full of people of a different ethnic background” or “Kids can pinpoint exactly what will drive you over the edge in the middle of a really bad day and then proceed to do it at every opportunity.” How about “Kids can completely disappear in the displays at Home Depot in .02 seconds flat” or “Kids can argue with each other about EVERYTHING.”
In that vein, I'm sharing a few of the hilarious things my own darlings do/say:
- When she was younger, my daughter thought everyone had two names—a first name and a password. (It took me days to realize she meant last name.)
- At age 9, Professor stated: “At least three-quarters of songs are about love, because that’s what people understand the least—besides quantum physics.” **direct quote
- Turbo used to save all the marshmallows in his Lucky Charms cereal until last. Then he chewed them up and spit them back into the bowl to make a colorful soup that he called “Marshmallow Paste.” (Okay, maybe that’s just gross and not funny, but I have to try and laugh at it so I don’t get sick. We no longer purchase Lucky Charms cereal.)
- One day I was mowing the lawn and Princess ran up to me, hysterical. She had shoved a live roly-poly (potato bug/pill bug) up her nose! Beans, macaroni, a pencil eraser—yes. But a live bug?!
- My two boys were fighting one day, and Turbo teased Professor saying that he had to go back to Kindergarten because he had misread an easy word. Professor complained about how mean his brother was and that “He didn’t need to attack my academic prowess!”
- Turbo went through a time when he always wanted to be upside down on his head. Watching TV, at his friend’s house, at grandpa’s, in the car, outside at the park, etc. He even managed to go up the stairs upside down (and it was quite a feat, too!).
- The other day I wore my hair in two braids. My oldest looked at me intently, then said he liked my hair like that because it made me look like a girl. I laughed and said that I am a girl. He replied, "No you're not. You're a mom." (I didn't realize motherhood came with that little gender change.)
- Turbo used to squirt a layer of shampoo around the shower and slide all over in the suds, naked.
- One day I punished Turbo with a spanking (sorry to all of those who are against that – it’s only in serious cases, like trying to choke a sibling). He looked at me and said, “Daddy spanks harder than you do.”
Hopefully this gives you a few chuckles. I'm sure I'll think of a whole bunch more once I post this. Aren't kids fun?