To Whom It May Concern:
The board will be meeting this weekend to discuss a title other than "Mom" as we feel that name has been overused this first week of summer (and usually at top volume).
"Mom! What's for lunch?"
"Mom! Why do I have to come home?"
"Mom! Can you get me a unicorn Webkinz for Christmas?"
"Mom! Can we watch TV?"
"Mom! You're a slave driver! We've been pulling weeds for at least 15 minutes!"
"Mom! Can I have an otter pop?"
"Mom! Where are my shoes?"
"Mom! Why do I have to wear a helmet?"
"Mom! Where are you?"
"Mom! I'm not hungry yet."
"Mom! Carrots are gross!"
"Mom! Come see this!"
The person heretofore referred to as "Mom" will no longer be responding to that title. Neither will she answer to "Hey you" "Give it now" "Servant" or "Slave."
You might have some luck with "Oh Magnanimous and Beautiful One." "Her Graciousness," or "The Most Amazing Woman on the Planet."
She is open to other titles in this vein, which may be submitted via email for consideration before the deadline of midnight this coming Sunday. Make sure to put "We're Very Sorry, Mother Dearest for Driving You Insane" in the subject line, or the spam filter will likely grab your email.
The woman formerly known as Mom