Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Selective Squeamishness

My children are afflicted with a disease. And I'm going to be candid about it. It's my public duty to share our experiences. If we can even help just one other person, it will be worth it. (Please don't shun us.)

My kids suffer regularly from . . . drum roll. . .

Selective Squeamishness

It's a hard cross to bear, for both them and me. Researchers and doctors are frantically searching for a cure. We can only hope they'll find one soon. You may be wondering about the signs of this dreaded disease, and you have a right to be concerned. Let me fill you in.

The inconsistency of Selective Squeamishness is what makes it so bad. You might have cause to worry if any of these sound familiar:

Your children may have no problem playing the mud,

(Not my child.)

But as soon as it's time to load the dishwasher...

...the horrible disease strikes.

Instantly squeamish!

Half stepped-on candy stuck to the parking lot is a serious snack option,

but when it's time to take out the garbage...

Instantly Squeamish!

Food Fights are often a begged for after-dinner pastime...

but nothing makes the Selective Squeamishness disease flare up like cleaning the bathroom.

Instantly Squeamish X3!

Almost as bad as bathroom cleaning-induced squeamishness is ridding the garden of squash bugs. (Something I found out yesterday.)

Squash bug eradication involves killing the adult squash bugs that lay a bazillion eggs each. (Maybe a slight exaggeration.) You can squish them or pick them up and drop them in a bucket of soapy water. And for all you bug rights people, they can suck a squash plant dry in a matter of days, so I'll send them over to your gardens.

Selective Squeamishness hit big time, which is strange because all other kinds of bugs are fair game. Eventually I convinced my kids that the bugs wouldn't hurt them, but the kidlets still preferred to look for the bugs and squeal when they saw them (which wasn't hard since there was a colony of about 500).

For your sake I hope your house is free from this horrible disease. Please put a fuschia colored ribbon with neon green sequined fringe on your antennae to show you support Selective Squeamishness research.

Thank you.


Deborah said...

Ew. I don't think I have fuchsia colored ribbon with neon green sequined fringe. *shudder*

Grandma Carolyn said...

I do have a picture of Jared covered with mud that looks just like that! Selective Squeamishness will apply to more things as the grow up. Have fun!

Lori-ann said...

This is TOO funny! Totally reminds me of Mom's posts with all the pictures to go along with the story. I bet you were chuckling the entire time you worked on this.

Tavia said...

You did a great job of putting this all together...and yes, many people suffer from this horrid disease. I see it all the time;-)