Sunday, October 18, 2009

If My Boys Designed Barbie Dolls

My two boys are repulsed by all things girl. Easy Bake Ovens, mermaids, princesses, sequins, and dress ups are never free from their derision and ridicule. This morning when I overheard a conversation between them that involved the word
of course I stopped to listen. It turned out they were talking about the kind of Barbie dolls that toy companies should make. After I heard a couple of their ideas I knew I had a blog post on my hands. So, I asked them to elaborate.

Get ready for the New Barbie!!
Like you've never seen her before! (I promise.)

The Bodily Function Barbie Line:
  • Barfing Barbie - with a jeweled barf bowl
  • Burping Barbie - a dial on the back goes from "burp" to "belch"
  • Farting Barbie - a stylish outfit sporting blue flames
  • Diarrhea Barbie - for a special time only she comes with her own commode

The Action Barbie Line:
  • Bazooka Barbie - with the push of a button, the bazooka fires real missiles
  • Lunatic Barbie - her hair stands on end like magic
  • Suicide Bomber Barbie - with strap-on dynamite
  • D-Day Barbie - she's amphibious
  • Terminator Barbie - with glowing red eyes
  • French Revolution Barbie - she'll never have a bad hair day

The Paranormal Line:
  • Zombie Barbie - pull a string and she moans "brains"
  • Ghost Barbie - the only transparent Barbie
  • Vampire Barbie - Fangs never looked so fab

The Just Plain Disturbing Line:
  • Black Lung Barbie - accessorize with a pickax and coal car
  • Rabies Barbie - with foam-at-the-mouth action
  • Truck Stop Barbie - she swears like a truck driver (parental guidance suggested)
  • Circus Freak Barbie - hair, tattoos, piercings, and more hair
  • Blow Fly Barbie - squeeze her stomach and gel flies ooze out of her limbs

And there's plenty more where that came from. I've never seen my boys so excited to talk dolls.


Hannah said...

that is hilarious, and slightly disturbing. But who cares!

The action barbie line was pretty interesting.

Weston Elliott said...

yeah, that sounds like boys alright... *grin!*

Deborah said...

Don't forget the Barbie bomb, complete with launching device. Looks has nothing to do with it.

Carolyn said...

I'm sure glad Professor and Turbo didn't design any of the Barbie Dolls I played with as a girl.