“I cannot do my run today,”
Said little Jack or John or Kay.
“I have shin splints and the runs,
A gash, a rash and achey buns.
My mouth is wet, my throat feels like Charmin,
My sunglasses broke and I lost my Garmin.
My hamstrings are as tight as rocks,
I’ve counted eight different chafing spots.
And there’s one more, that makes it nine,
I have the flu, maybe swine.
My heels hurt, it must be plantar fasciitis,
And on top of that
I have achilles tendonitis.
I feel queasy, running makes me choke,
My last track workout was a joke.
My hips hurt when I move my legs,
My hamstrings feel like scrambled eggs.
My back is tweaked, my ankle’s sprained,
My ITBS flares each time it rains.
I get dizzy when I stand too fast,
I have six blisters on my left calf.
My foot has a stress fracture,
My psoas is weak,
I hardly talk about when running when I speak.
My favorite shoes are losing their sole,
I think my motivation is starting to go.
My arches are flat, my gait is off,
My rock hard abs are going soft.
I have runner’s knee, there are holes in my waterproof gear,
My brand new compression socks are covered in beer.
I have a neuroma, my quad is…
What? What’s that you say?
You say…. that it’s my day to race?
Goodbye then! I’m going out to run my PR pace!”