Thursday, January 28, 2010

Silent Monks Can Sing

For your viewing/listening pleasure.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

My Weird TV Habits

Other people may watch reality shows, or dramas, or even sitcoms. If I do watch TV--and that's pretty rare--it's usually something like:

In Dirty Jobs the host goes out and spends a day "on the job" at the dirtiest jobs imaginable. Some of my favorites are when he cleaned out a huge tank at a sewage treatment plant and was hip deep in you-know-what, when he ground up fish bones & guts to make the special food at a maggot farm, and when he helped along the breeding process at a turkey farm.

Depending on the day I might watch this instead:

Man Vs. Wild - a crazy British ex-special forces man shows you how to survive in the most extreme conditions. And just about every episode involves him using his pants as flotation devices. So if I have to sky dive from a helicopter onto a remote, deserted island, I better be wearing pants. And have a knife.

Or maybe I'll watch:

Survivorman is Man Vs. Wild on crack and without the camera crew or British accent. If I got stuck in the wilderness with any other person on the planet, it would have to be this guy. And Jason. So I guess I'd have to be stuck with two other people. On second thought if it was one other person then it would have to be my hubby, because then at least we could starve or die of exposure together, right?

And really the only reason for this whole post is because I had to find some way to tie in to this poster:

Ha ha ha ha!

(And now everyone knows I'm a Survival/Lord of the Rings Nerd.)

Thursday, January 21, 2010

The Man Rules

*My hubby forwarded this to me, knowing I would get a kick out of it.*

The Man Rules

We always hear 'the rules' From the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered '1' ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers. ( FIRST & FOREMOST RULE)

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something, Or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football or Hockey.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Things I Learned in 2009

I know 2009 was so last week, but I feel like I should take a post (or 3 or 4) to reminisce on the good old days of last year. And--lucky you--I'm blogging about it. :)

So, without further ado...

1. When the staff at the dentist's office keeps asking you if you're *sure* you want to do all the dental work in one visit, perhaps you should rethink.

2. You can often do more than you think you can. Just focus on one step at a time.

3. Stage 2 dehydration is not fun at all. In a completely bad, horrible, and no-good way.

4. My furnace room is possessed by an invisible something that loves to blow out the pilot light of the hot water heater on the coldest days of the month after I've worked up a good (and stinky) sweat at the gym, then keeps blowing out the light every time I relight it, but graciously steps out of the way when the plumber tries, so that he says, "It worked just fine for me. That'll be $100."

5. Do the more important things first, because days are like pancakes--stuff stacks up as you go and you might not get to the important things once you're drowning in syrup.

6. The computer ink industry is a total racket. $200+ for ink?! Here, let me hand over a limb or my first born while I'm at it.

7. If you find yourself communicating face to face in 140 character increments, then maybe it's time to step away from Twitter--for a little while.

8. Take time to dance and sing often. The acoustics in the shower are pretty good, and if you sing in the car, the people around you don't know you're off-key. Or singing along with Madonna.

9. Cultivate gratitude for all your blessings, because you never know when the rug will be yanked out from under you and you're on your knees.

10. It is possible to eat almost 3 lbs. of sugar snap peas in a day--by yourself. *cough* *cough*

What did you learn last year?

Friday, January 1, 2010

Happy New Year!

Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. ~ Harold Whitman

This is your year!

Happy 2010!