The Theler Five

How the summer started

2011-08-02T11:45:00.002-06:00

It's been an interesting summer, that's for sure.

Hysterical Baby Laughing

2011-03-11T21:35:00.000-07:00

It's been a sobering day, with all the news coming out of Japan. I don't know about you, but I welcomed a bit of laughter. I dare you not to laugh, too.

Happy New Year!

2011-01-04T20:05:00.001-07:00

One of my New Year's Resolutions is to get back on the family blog train. This post will get me started. Enjoy!

New York trip, Part 2

2010-09-04T21:30:00.002-06:00

-OR-

(alternate title) The State of New York Needs to Get a Clue on Street Signs

After starting off in Woodstock it was time for us to follow the race directions through the backwoods of upstate New York to where we would exchange with the first van and start our runs. We had an iPhone with GPS, we had our course directions, so we were good to go. Or so we thought.

The first turn out of Woodstock is when we realized that New York needed some help with their street signs. The directions read like this:

Depart exchange going south on CR-27A/CR-33. Ummm, how exactly is one street two separate County Roads?

Or maybe Turn right onto SR 212/Tinker Street. State road number and street name. Got it. Except the street sign to this particular road didn't read EITHER SR 212 or Tinker Street.

Then there was our favorite like Turn left onto CR-40/SR-28/Wittenburg Road. Yep, you've got it: 3 different street names for the same street. Aaaand usually none of them were on an actual sign that might just help 6 people from across the country navigate their way.

By the time we reached the first major exchange, we were all quite put out at New York streets. I guess they just gave up after labeling streets in New York City and decided to let the rest of the state fend for itself. But we made it, eventually, to the Mountain Valley Resort. And we know it was a resort because the sign said so.

(These photos have not been doctored in any way. I swear.)

Here's the obligatory "Awww, aren't we cute standing together in the New York Catskills?" picture.

Jason was first up in our van, and he was raring to go. (As you can see.)

As were these guys.

This girl (nicknamed Rainbow Brite) became the nemesis of one of our team members. At times it was his vow to never get passed by Rainbow Brite that kept him going.

Jason had a beautiful run, and he started off strong...

Then progressed to "Holy Crap it's freaking hot out here and the humidity is killer!"

Don't worry, dear teammate, we shall cheer you on from our air conditioned Secret Service Suburban.
We shall cheer you constantly, we shall remain vigilant and offer you plenty of fluids, we shall not rest-- Oh, look! The most picturesque cemetery we've ever seen! We must run across the meadow and take pictures.

Oops, there goes Jason while we gawked. Back to the car!

Jason made it, declared that it had been no fun, and then showed off his new blisters. (Don't worry, we will have pictures in a later post.) He took advantage of a nearby stream to cool off his newly-blistered feet.

The others all ran their first legs (we'll skim past them, because it's not their blogs) until it was my turn and due to construction and a detour, we almost didn't make it in time. But I threw on my stuff and was outta there.

I wish I could claim sleep deprivation at this point, but I have to be honest; it was plain silliness.

And apparently it was catching.

Whew! 1/3 of the way done.

Now to find some food in the town of New Palz, where several restaurants informed us they were out of food (Yikes!) and I felt left out because I didn't have dreadlocks. (Yes, there were that many people with dreadlocks.)

Well, that's enough for this post. Soon I'll put up Part 3 of our NY trip. (Isn't it just like sitting through your neighbor's vacation slides? No, you can't leave yet. *locking and barring the door*)

New York trip, Part 1 (3 months later)

2010-08-18T21:20:00.003-06:00

I'm a little late (ok, 3 months late) in sharing about the little jaunt the hubby and I took to New York. Things are calm for the moment in the Theler House of Chaos, so I thought I'd try and get caught up. (Oh, the pressure! I must be witty to make up for my many months of neglect. *stress*)

Drum Roll...

Our Trip to New York

The main ~~excuse~~ reason we planned the trip was to run in the New York Ragnar relay race. We even talked four other friends into going with us. The race began at Woodstock and ended some 180+ miles in Yonkers. As a bonus, the race was close to where Jason spent his high school years, and so he wanted to visit the area and people. So here's the photo montage of Jason reminiscing about where he grew up.

*sigh* The bridges...

*sigh* The house where he used to live, complete with the basketball hoop of many fond memories. The house was actually up for sale.
Sorry, sweetie. Don't even think it.

*sigh* The endless photos of the woods.

Explanation: I needed pictures to help me out with the setting of my Enchanted Forest. Forgive me if we have, ahem, almost as many photos of the forest as of the race. Tell me you don't feel "Enchanted Forest" immediately from these pictures. Okay, I plead temporary insanity from so much green vegetation. We don't have a lot of that where I live.

We enjoyed our visit with the wonderful Morgan family who let us invade their home and take over their van for a day as we drove all over creation. This is also when we fell in love with GPS, or else we might still be lost.

Next was the race. We made it to Woodstock, with its small town feel and plethora of little tie dye shops. At the starting line we met the other half of our team, a bunch of really neat people who hailed from all over: New Jersey, England, Texas, and Los Angeles.

Here's the required team pic.

Trust me when I say both halves of the team were relieved that the other half was normal. Because there were several other teams there that were a whole lot more...colorful.

You can see our intrepid team captain in the center, with the number 4. You may also notice some of the more colorful runners, like 136 on the left sporting a fedex box on his head, or 167 on the right with yellow tights and a mask, or the guy in the grass skirt next to him.

This is just a random photo that serves as a great case for not taking pictures inside a neon orange tent.

This is also a great place to end this post so it doesn't get too long.

Stay tuned for the next installment of the 3 part series of "Our New York Trip." Next will be Part 2, or "The State of New York Really Needs to Get a Clue on Street Signs."

Reminder

2010-07-25T21:10:00.002-06:00

This video touched me the other day, and I just had to share. Every so often I need a little reminder to realign some of my priorities. If you can, take 5 minutes to watch.

Handwriting - a poem

2010-06-08T08:44:00.003-06:00

During the summer I make the kids do schoolwork, stuff like math, reading, and handwriting. Today for his daily handwriting assignment, Turbo wrote a poem.

Handwriting
by Turbo Theler

Handwriting O handwriting,
I hate you, you stink!
I wish I could wash you away in the sink.

Handwriting O handwriting,
I hate you, you stink!
I'd rather take baths with a man-eating shark,
Or pet ten porcupines,
Than wrestle the handwriting my mother assigns.

Handwriting O handwriting,
I hate you, you stink!
I wish I could wash you away in the sink.
Handwriting O handwriting,
I hate you, you stink!

At least his handwriting was nice.

Potpourri of Theler happenings

2010-05-31T13:59:00.008-06:00

It's been so long since I blogged regularly that the next few times might be a bit hodge podge as I try to share what's been happening. And what better way to do that that with a list? (Yea for lists!)

1. Most recently, Turbo reached a childhood/parenting milestone: he hit a golf ball through a neighbor's window. Quote: "It never went that far when I used my own golf clubs!" Yes, he was using daddy's clubs. (Don't worry, it was with permission.)

2. Professor got his feet wet in the wonderful world of Shakespeare. He played the part of Horatio in his class's (very abridged) production of Hamlet.

Hamlet's death scene. Professor is the one not about to croak.

In carpool one day I got the 6th grade view on Hamlet. "I'm like, the only one who doesn't die." Then all the kids joined in a chant that had apparently been said before. Professor listed a character, and the other children pronounced his/her fate. Hamlet: dead. Claudius: dead. Gertrude: dead. Ophelia: dead. Rosencrantz: dead. Gildenstern: dead. Polonius: dead. Laertes: dead.

3. Jason was awarded the PTA Principal of the Year for the state this year. Here's a newspaper article about it, plus a great picture. (Hands off, he's mine!) He was embarrassed. I even saw him blush, which doesn't happen very often. When neighbors asked what cool prize he got, they were way impressed when I told them he got a plaque. With his name on it, even.

Note: He is an awesome principal, who does all sorts of fun things, like sleep on top of the school, swim in green jello, and wrestle in a Sumo costume.

4. Dad & the boys had a great time at the Father & Sons campout. The kids played several camping-type boy games, complete with war paint.

I think the dads had just as much, if not more fun, than the boys. After all, it's so boring to start a fire with matches or anything "normal." No, it's way better to rig up a rocket on a line to shoot right into a massive tower of gasoline soaked wood so that it explodes in flame.

5. I survived the writers conference that I was in charge of. We had 450+ attendees and it was a smashing success. In fact, it went so well they asked me to do it again for 2011. I said yes.

6. We welcomed a new nephew into the family. Now when my kids beg for a baby, we can babysit baby J. (I'm liking that plan.)

7. I am neck deep in serious rewrites for my latest book. And if you don't know what serious rewrites look like, here's a peek of one scene. Note the lack of much type-written sections (which would be my rough draft).

8. School is out for the summer. And in the fall Professor will go to Jr. High! It's official: I'm old.

9. Jason and I went for a week-long trip to New York for a relay race, to visit friends, and spend a little time in the city. Pictures and full narrative to follow in a future blog post.

10. We finally gave in and let Princess get a pet. She was the proud owner of 2 goldfish she bought with her very own money. She named them Ben and Lisa. Ben is doing well, but Lisa not so well. Lisa the First died, much to Princess' dismay. A few days later, Lisa the Second followed in the footsteps of her predecessor. Lisa the Third was also found belly up after a couple days in the Fish Bowl of Death.

And still Ben swims around and around, looking far too innocent.

We've decided Ben is a Serial Killer goldfish, and will have to live out the rest of his days alone.

Back on the Blog Wagon

2010-05-24T21:04:00.005-06:00

I know, I know. I've been the biggest blog slacker. *slap my own hand* School ends this week, and so that means I will likely need to decompress and laugh at the situations that will arise with all 3 kidlets at home and with each other ... all day... every day.

Here is a photo to commemorate the return of the The Theler Five to active blog status.

*I think I'll hang on to this to show at his wedding reception. As a poster.*

Kidlet quote of the day: I was discussing boycotting something with Professor and Turbo. Not wanting to miss out on the conversation, Princess chimed in that she would "girlcott" it too.

Lady Gaga--author style

2010-04-29T14:06:00.001-06:00

Here's a peek into some of what I've been doing the last couple months. This is just a small part. :) (No, I'm not the one in the wig.)

We showed this at the LDStorymakers Writers Conference last weekend. It's always good to get in touch with your goofy side.

Weird Wednesday

2010-03-23T08:49:00.001-06:00

**This post is from last Wednesday on my other blog, and I just now realized I forgot to post it here. So, enjoy!**

I think every once in a while it would be fun to post a Weird Wednesday. This is when I get to list (Yea! Lists!) things that make you go, "Hmmm."

The dot over the letter "i" is called a tittle.

Harry Potter Puppet Pals is one of my kids' all-time favorite Youtube videos. Warning: the song has a tendency to stick in your head all day.

A rat can last longer without water than a camel.

Yes, you really should try yoga with your cat. Yogakitty.com can show you how.

The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb. **Apparently, this is a myth, but it's still fun.**

Someone actually took up Jerry Seinfeld on this statement, "Maybe they should have a toilet paper museum. Would you like that? So we can see all the toilet paper advancements down through the ages. Toilet paper in the Crusades. The development of the perforation. The first six-pack." Voila! The Virtual Toilet Paper Museum.

The housefly hums in the middle octave, key of F.

Ever wanted to build your own Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie? (And who hasn't?) This site gives instructions, information, and--don't miss it-- testimonials. (I almost fell off my chair at the foil undergarment.)

Learn Yiddish with Dick and Jane--the best way to learn a language!

If you toss a penny 10000 times, it will not be heads 5000 times, but more like 4950. The heads picture weighs more, so it ends up on the bottom.

Oh, the endless fun you're missing out by throwing away your Dryer Lint.

Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes. **Yep, this is a myth, too. But I'm leaving it because I'd like to think that all horse statue makers belong to a secret association that determines things like this.**

Goethe couldn't stand the sound of barking dogs and could only write if he had an apple rotting in the drawer of his desk.

I know you've been looking all over for it, so I've linked to The World's Number One Resource for Meat Hats and Meat Hat Culture. (You're welcome.)

'Stewardesses' is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand. (You're trying it now, aren't you?)

I hope that leaves you enlightened (or at least entertained). Have a great Wednesday!

Those teaching moments

2010-02-07T15:00:00.001-07:00

In parenting you often hear about taking advantage of the Teaching Moments. Wouldn't it be nice if life had a notification sound for when it is a Teaching Moment, like when you get a text? You know, you could be in the middle of juggling homework, dinner, and a phone conversation. Then from the air you hear Beep-Beep-Bedeep. And instantly you know this is a Teaching Moment.

I think the newest iPhone should have that feature--a Teaching Moment App. (Steve Jobs, contact me later and we'll chat.)

Even though I don't have a Teaching Moment notification, I did manage to catch a Teaching Moment a few weeks ago. It was a "Teach the Evils of Buying Things on Credit" Teaching Moment. It went over like a lead balloon, but Teaching Moments are often like that.

Professor and Turbo love the video game system they got for Christmas, but since the system cost so much, they didn't get a lot of other games to go with it. One day, Professor wanted to go to the used game store and spend some of his saved allowance money. He approached Turbo with the idea of splitting the cost of the game, and then both could play it. This would have been a great idea except Turbo spends his allowance as quickly as his lungs convert oxygen into carbon dioxide.

It was discovered that Turbo did not have enough money to pay for half of the game. In order for him to be able to play it, he had to pony up half the price, which he didn't have. Turbo approached the bank (i.e. mom) to see if he could borrow against his next allowance payment. Mom thought for a moment about the state of the world's economies because of rampant debt, and said, "No."

The weeping, wailing, and gnashing of teeth began.

And, as happens in Teaching Moments such as this, Turbo did not appreciate the comment that next time he wants to blow $6 on a bowl of Dippin' Dots, maybe he should reconsider what else that $6 could buy. Good thing Turbo doesn't actually have laser vision, or mom would have gone up in flames.

But I bet he thinks twice about those Dippin' Dots next time.

Silent Monks Can Sing

2010-01-28T10:05:00.000-07:00

For your viewing/listening pleasure.

My Weird TV Habits

2010-01-26T20:32:00.006-07:00

Other people may watch reality shows, or dramas, or even sitcoms. If I do watch TV--and that's pretty rare--it's usually something like:

In Dirty Jobs the host goes out and spends a day "on the job" at the dirtiest jobs imaginable. Some of my favorites are when he cleaned out a huge tank at a sewage treatment plant and was hip deep in you-know-what, when he ground up fish bones & guts to make the special food at a maggot farm, and when he helped along the breeding process at a turkey farm.

Depending on the day I might watch this instead:

Man Vs. Wild - a crazy British ex-special forces man shows you how to survive in the most extreme conditions. And just about every episode involves him using his pants as flotation devices. So if I have to sky dive from a helicopter onto a remote, deserted island, I better be wearing pants. And have a knife.

Or maybe I'll watch:

Survivorman is Man Vs. Wild on crack and without the camera crew or British accent. If I got stuck in the wilderness with any other person on the planet, it would have to be this guy. And Jason. So I guess I'd have to be stuck with two other people. On second thought if it was one other person then it would have to be my hubby, because then at least we could starve or die of exposure together, right?

And really the only reason for this whole post is because I had to find some way to tie in to this poster:

Ha ha ha ha!

(And now everyone knows I'm a Survival/Lord of the Rings Nerd.)

The Man Rules

2010-01-21T17:16:00.001-07:00

*My hubby forwarded this to me, knowing I would get a kick out of it.*

The Man Rules

We always hear 'the rules' From the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered '1' ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers. ( FIRST & FOREMOST RULE)

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something, Or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football or Hockey.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

Things I Learned in 2009

2010-01-05T09:08:00.001-07:00

I know 2009 was so last week, but I feel like I should take a post (or 3 or 4) to reminisce on the good old days of last year. And--lucky you--I'm blogging about it. :)

So, without further ado...

1. When the staff at the dentist's office keeps asking you if you're *sure* you want to do all the dental work in one visit, perhaps you should rethink.

2. You can often do more than you think you can. Just focus on one step at a time.

3. Stage 2 dehydration is not fun at all. In a completely bad, horrible, and no-good way.

4. My furnace room is possessed by an invisible something that loves to blow out the pilot light of the hot water heater on the coldest days of the month after I've worked up a good (and stinky) sweat at the gym, then keeps blowing out the light every time I relight it, but graciously steps out of the way when the plumber tries, so that he says, "It worked just fine for me. That'll be $100."

5. Do the more important things first, because days are like pancakes--stuff stacks up as you go and you might not get to the important things once you're drowning in syrup.

6. The computer ink industry is a total racket. $200+ for ink?! Here, let me hand over a limb or my first born while I'm at it.

7. If you find yourself communicating face to face in 140 character increments, then maybe it's time to step away from Twitter--for a little while.

8. Take time to dance and sing often. The acoustics in the shower are pretty good, and if you sing in the car, the people around you don't know you're off-key. Or singing along with Madonna.

9. Cultivate gratitude for all your blessings, because you never know when the rug will be yanked out from under you and you're on your knees.

10. It is possible to eat almost 3 lbs. of sugar snap peas in a day--by yourself. *cough* *cough*

What did you learn last year?

Happy New Year!

2010-01-01T07:00:00.000-07:00

Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. ~ Harold Whitman

This is your year!

Happy 2010!

Feeling Resolute

2009-12-31T21:11:00.001-07:00

How did you do on your New Year's Resolutions for 2009?

Perhaps your New Year's Resolution journey of 2009 bore some resemblance to mine. I took out my newly purchased, virgin notebook with the neat cover and not a single page scribbled on. Just like I envisioned 2009 to be. I listed what I wanted to do (in categories) and even went for smaller goals which then would add up to bigger goals.

I did good in January. I started slipping a little in February, and then by March I hid it in the bottom of my nightstand drawer so it would quit mocking me. Sound familiar?

As 2010 draws near, I've been thinking about New Year's Resolutions. And of course, me being such a list-nerd, I will make some. But first I want to share some of my thoughts.

*Warning: Old-person type ponderings are about to follow.

The older I get the more I realize that, for me, the most precious commodity is time. It never stops, it's finite, and you can never take back time you have wasted. The tradition of making New Year's Resolutions is really about prioritizing our time. You sit down and consciously think about what is really important.

A website on prioritizing techniques says this: "Prioritizing skills are your ability to see what tasks are more important at each moment and give those tasks more of your attention, energy, and time. You focus on what is important at the expense of lower value activities."

My hubby has a saying that drives my children nuts, but is so true:

You can do anything you want, just not everything you want.

May I suggest this year that for your New Year's Resolutions you really think about what's important and re-prioritize. Set resolutions that will focus on those things, rather than cluttering up the list with things that are good to focus on, but may not be the best to focus on. Don't sacrifice your time on lower value activities.

That's what I'm going to do.

Of course, I could always follow Calvin's example:

Have a Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas

2009-12-24T15:22:00.000-07:00

Merry Christmas! Here's my favorite Christmas Carol, "Carol of the Bells," and a really cool version of it.

I love how it has the lyrics, because even though Carol of the Bells is my favorite, I never bothered looking up the words. I just sort of mumble-sang-along. "Oh hear the bells, mumble silver bells, mumble mumble ring" etc. *sheepish*

Getting Creative

2009-12-03T13:01:00.001-07:00

Sometimes you just have to think outside the box.

For a Thanksgiving Laugh

2009-11-25T21:59:00.001-07:00

In the thankful frame of mind

2009-11-23T21:19:00.004-07:00

It’s that time of year when our thoughts turn to those things we are thankful for—and gorging ourselves with monstrous amounts of food. So, in the Thanksgiving spirit, I will share some of those things that make my heart swell with gratitude. BUT I want to dig a little deeper than the normal list of blessings: family, friends, house, cars, freedom, security, blah, blah, blah. Here are some more overlooked, but equally wonderful, blessings that I am thankful for.

• Central Air (with programmable thermostats) – can you even imagine life without it? I can, because I grew up without it.
• Power windows – Remember the days of the crank handle? Or, if it was like my car, the days when the handle didn’t work and you had to open the door, put a hand on each side of the window and wiggle it up or down.
• Email – Blessed, blessed email. I don’t have enough room to wax poetic about it.
• Twitter and Facebook – I can pretend to be social without ever having to actually speak to someone face to face.
• Electric Blankets – truly marvelous, especially the ones with 2 controllers so that I can crank my side up and be toasty warm while hubby has his side totally off and is usually sleeping on top of the covers.
• Indoor Plumbing – all you have to do is consider the alternative: outhouse in the middle of January or chamber pots. Yikes!
• Duct tape – the cure-all for even the most repair-challenged.
• Flash Drives – I am thankful for these with the very core of my being. Maybe you have not had your computer crash the day before a 400 page manuscript deadline, only to have all of your backup on discs, then go from friend to friend to friend to find that they don’t even make computers with a disc drive anymore. (Okay, breathe… I’m hyperventilating just remembering. And yes, this was a few years ago, so don’t think me that technologically-challenged.)
• Online backup – it was the best decision I put off for a year and then finally did 3 weeks before a complete computer crash.
• Cleaning magic erasers – you know, the white ones that get off practically anything? I would like to rain kisses on whoever invented it. Probably a woman, so maybe just shake her hand.
• Seamless running socks – they are worth every penny.
• Disposable Diapers – I don’t care how much money you want to save, dunking rags in the toilet to wash off the poop is so not worth it. Trust me, I’ve tried it.
• Microwaveable Pot Pies – I love the things, but heating up a whole oven for one weeny little pot pie and then having to wait 35 minutes for it to cook? I don’t think so! Now pop it in for 4 minutes and Voila!
• Calluses – I go without shoes as often as possible when it’s warm enough so my feet get lots of these.
• Sun – Ahhhh. Vitamin D!
• Homestarrunner – LOL
• Digital cameras – just keep clicking, just keep clicking. Clicking, clicking, clicking.
• Thesaurus/Dictionary.com – I cannot elaborate, announce, declare, affirm, convey, or verbalize how utterly, conclusively, and entirely appreciative I am for this website.
• Emergen-C – my coffee.
• My iPod – if my house were on fire and my family were safe outside, I might dive back into the burning building for my iPod. And my computer. And my pictures. Anyway… I love my iPod.
• Books – some people drink, some take drugs. I’m addicted to books.

Seriously though, above all I am thankful for all the special people I am privileged to know and love: my family, my friends and neighbors, and my brothers/sisters in the crazy, schizophrenic world of being a writer. You enrich my life. I am thankful for those who sacrifice for others and for the miracles I have witnessed. Please remember to take a moment and count your blessings this Thanksgiving.

You said it, Boromir

2009-11-18T16:53:00.002-07:00

Keep Your Eyes on the Summit

2009-11-16T20:36:00.001-07:00

A couple months ago on a Friday night some friends invited me on a hike early Saturday morning. We're not talking just a hike, though, we're talking Hike, with a capital "H." As in leaving at 5:00 a.m. and hiking for 12.4 miles and 10 hours up to the summit of a mountain, 11,749 feet in elevation. I see this mountain every day when I set foot outside, and I've always wanted to go to the top. But I had a list of things I planned on getting to on Saturday, and it was last minute. Plus it would be cold, and dark, and I was pretty tired from a long week. So I wasn't sure if I would go or not.

I spent an hour debating in pure Libra fashion. My husband finally turned to me and told me to list the pros and cons. There were several cons, and two pros: it would be fun and I've always wanted to do it. He said, "You can do all those other things any time, but this opportunity doesn't come along very often. I think you should go."

Which meant that he would watch the kids and clean the house all by himself while I was off playing. (I love that man.)

So I told my friends I was in and quickly packed. When the alarm went off at 4:30 and I was making myself eat a bowl of oatmeal, I was still questioning my decision. It was an adventure hiking in the dark, especially when one of my water bottles leaked all over my backpack, sweatshirt, and pants.

Then the sun started to come up.

And the aspen leaves whispered in the the breeze.

And it illuminated further than just two feet in front of me. I was no longer just avoiding rocks and mud and blindly following a trail someone else had made.

I could finally see--really see. And every single reservation disappeared.

It was still all uphill, but now I could see my amazing journey!

The goal was the very top. Yep, that very top.

There were many other people on the same path. Traveling the same journey. And we waved and smiled at each other. I felt safe that if something happened to me or my friends, there were dozens of others around who could--and would--help. We were all in the journey together.

At times the going was hard and maybe a little scary.

But we kept our eyes on our ultimate goal: the summit.

And when we got there, hours after we started and with really tired legs, it was unbelievable. And worth every single step, stumble, water spill, and bathroom trip in the trees.

Whatever summit you're aiming for in life, keep your eyes trained on it. When the sun rises, look around and enjoy the incredible journey. Notice the others traveling the path with you. Smile at them, wave to them, and stop to help.

And when you finally reach the top, it will all be worth it. Because anything really worth it is worth the hike to get there.

Letter of Apology

2009-11-11T08:29:00.002-07:00

Dear Blogosphere,

I must apologize for my neglect the last little while. You see, I'm doing this ~~crazy~~ fun writing project called NaNoWriMo (where you write a 50,000 word book in 30 days) and I'm so ~~stubborn~~ tenacious that I sometimes move along at a snail's pace just to make sure I'm still moving. So some days I don't always have time for you.

To all the blogs stacking up in Google Reader, I'm sorry. I will probably neglect you for a few more weeks, and by then I'll probably have 2000 un-read posts and might just have to clear them all and start over. But I'm sure your blogs are great.

To all my bloggy friends who are still posting awesome blogs while racking up insane wordcounts in NaNoWriMo, I'm sorry. You won't see many comments from me, but know I still love you. And you make me sick--in a purely loving, writer-crush kind of way.

To my own blog with its dashboard full of half-written, meaty, content-filled posts on Twitter, habits of successful writers, and other topics oozing profundity, I'm sorry. Please bear with me. Once I don't feel like brain cells are oozing out my ear by lunchtime I will finish you all--pinky promise. But maybe not until December, because not many writer-types would be reading them until then anyway.

To my husband who would like to play a leisurely game of whatever on the computer without his wife hovering and giving him the evil eye, I'm sorry. I know the computer isn't mine, just mostly mine. And I'll try and take my twitchiness in the other room.

To my butt that has spent a lot of time parked in the computer chair, I'm sorry. And I'm sorry for the treadmill workout this morning. But you are spending a lot of time parked in the computer chair.

To my Christmas shopping list and my yard work and my basement, I'm sorry. I'll get to you before Christmas. At least I hope I will.

To my friends and neighbors who I walk right past without acknowledging, I'm sorry. I'm not really being snooty, I'm just concentrating on stuff like plot points and character arc. Just peek at the contents in my shopping cart and if they look totally random then chances are I'm in my own book world.

To my Twitter and Facebook followers who've had to endure some really weird tweets the last week, I'm sorry. I'm blowing off steam and I *think* I make sense, even though sometimes I don't.

To my family who wonder if sometimes mom has gone off her rocker, I'm sorry. *hugs*

To my main character who just got made a complete fool of by genetically engineered kittens, I'm NOT sorry. And you better buckle up, buddy, cause it's going to be a bumpy ride!

Warmest regards,

Jaime

Like Twilight? Give Firelight A Try.

2009-11-09T10:28:00.004-07:00

Hilarious SNL parody of Twilight starring Taylor Swift.

I Cannot Do My Run Today

2009-11-04T18:00:00.002-07:00

This is a fabulous poem inspired by Shel Silverstein's poem "I Cannot Go To School Today." I cannot claim any of the brilliance, this is all RunningRelays.com. If you like it please pop on over there to comment.

“I cannot do my run today,”
Said little Jack or John or Kay.
“I have shin splints and the runs,
A gash, a rash and achey buns.

My mouth is wet, my throat feels like Charmin,
My sunglasses broke and I lost my Garmin.
My hamstrings are as tight as rocks,
I’ve counted eight different chafing spots.

And there’s one more, that makes it nine,
I have the flu, maybe swine.
My heels hurt, it must be plantar fasciitis,
And on top of that
I have achilles tendonitis.

I feel queasy, running makes me choke,
My last track workout was a joke.
My hips hurt when I move my legs,
My hamstrings feel like scrambled eggs.

My back is tweaked, my ankle’s sprained,
My ITBS flares each time it rains.
I get dizzy when I stand too fast,
I have six blisters on my left calf.

My foot has a stress fracture,
My psoas is weak,
I hardly talk about when running when I speak.

My favorite shoes are losing their sole,
I think my motivation is starting to go.

My arches are flat, my gait is off,
My rock hard abs are going soft.

I have runner’s knee, there are holes in my waterproof gear,
My brand new compression socks are covered in beer.

I have a neuroma, my quad is…

What? What’s that you say?
You say…. that it’s my day to race?

Goodbye then! I’m going out to run my PR pace!”

Candy! Candy! Candy!

2009-11-02T15:35:00.006-07:00

I don't buy candy just to have in the house. And it's not because my kids don't like candy. (Oh, they do! They really do!) It's because candy holidays are spaced pretty good to make sure we're almost always stocked up. And now that the Humongous-Candy-Fest otherwise known as Halloween has just passed, we are set until Christmas. All that will be left just in time for all the Christmas goodies are those orange and black peanut butter taffy things. Does anyone even eat those?

When the Trick-or-Treating was over and we surveyed the haul, I noticed something quite amusing.

Here's Professor's candy horde:

And Turbo's loot:

And Princess's:

Notice how they are all arranged into categories. Perhaps OCD tendencies are genetic. Dare I hope this will somehow translate into keeping her room clean? *please* (Remember this)

Let the Sugar Overdosing begin...

'Twas The Night Before Halloween

2009-10-30T07:00:00.000-06:00

‘Twas The Night Before Halloween
©Lisa Barker

‘Twas the night before Halloween and all through the place not a candy was left how could Momma save face?

The kids were all tucked in their beds one through six while Momma was meeting her chocolate fix. The Hersheys were gone, the Snickers were, too, even the eyeballs with caramel goo. Wrappers and boxes and baggies galore littered the kitchen, the table and floor.

When what to Mom’s wandering eyes should appear but the floating Great Pumpkin with a glowering sneer. Shrieking in fright to her bed she did fly begging forgiveness for each pumpkin pie.

But the scene was a farce and not really real - the result of a sugar high and not the real deal. Still, the kids, now awake, cried out in shock when they discovered the candy bowl empty of stock.

“Hey, Mother, what gives? Where’s the candy galore? To the store you must go and get us some more!”

But none of the shops carried such folly. Instead they were decked with red bows and green holly.

“Christmas already? But it’s still October!”

“We’re sorry ma’am, trick-or-treating is over.”

“Oh, you can’t mean that!” mom cried, and looked hurt…as she throttled the clerk by the front of his shirt. “My kids are at home and they’re counting on me! Surely you must have some spooky candy!”

“Sorry again, ma’am, it really is true. In just a few weeks it’ll be Easter anew.”

Sometimes it happens, that a mom goes berserk. It could be at home or at church or at work. The pressures of life begin to take toll and Mom will assume an insane kind of role.

It happened that night, folks say in hushed whispers, when Momma took hostages while still in her slippers. “I want candy for goblins and I want it now! Bring me lollies and taffy and bags of brown cows!”

Even the cops couldn’t reason with Mum and they had to call Papa who came on the run. “Mother, dear Mother, please try to calm down. There’s plenty of candy all over town. Why, just as we speak the neighbors prepare to hand out some treats or a hearty good scare!”

“That’s right!” said dear Mom, “How could I have forgotten? There’ll be plenty of candy to make their teeth rotten. I just can’t explain it; can’t understand why. I’d completely forgotten the night that draws nigh.”

“Maybe you need to lay off the sweets. Let the kids get dressed up and do tricks or treats.”

Mom nodded dumbly and said with a frown, “I guess I’ve been foolish all over town. I just needed chocolate to help me keep calm, so hopefully we’ll forget this by the time it turns dawn.”

The town folks all said that they definitely did. They couldn’t recall that mom just flipped her lid. Well, who could blame her, who’d even dare? Look at the kids that are in her good care. Sometimes they’re sweet and a joy to behold, but sometimes don’t do what they’ve simply been told.

It’s not easy on Mom, it’s not easy on Dad, to not go berserk with the blessings they’ve had. So maybe we all should—one night in October—allow moms and dads to hand sanity over. Let them go nuts; let them go wild. Remember it’s all for the sake of a child.

Happy Halloween!!

Don't Always Trust the Spell Check Squiggle

2009-10-26T11:55:00.001-06:00

The Spell Chequer

Owed Two A Spell Chequer

Eye halve a spelling chequer,
it came with my pea sea.
It plainly marques, four my revue,
miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
and weight four it two say,
Weather eye am wrong oar write
it shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid,
it nose bee fore two long.
And eye can put the error rite
it's rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it,
I am shore your pleased two no.
Its letter perfect awl the weigh,
my chequer tolled me sew.

If My Boys Designed Barbie Dolls

2009-10-18T18:21:00.010-06:00

My two boys are repulsed by all things girl. Easy Bake Ovens, mermaids, princesses, sequins, and dress ups are never free from their derision and ridicule. This morning when I overheard a conversation between them that involved the word
of course I stopped to listen. It turned out they were talking about the kind of Barbie dolls that toy companies should make. After I heard a couple of their ideas I knew I had a blog post on my hands. So, I asked them to elaborate.

Get ready for the New Barbie!!
Like you've never seen her before! (I promise.)

The Bodily Function Barbie Line:

Barfing Barbie - with a jeweled barf bowl
Burping Barbie - a dial on the back goes from "burp" to "belch"
Farting Barbie - a stylish outfit sporting blue flames
Diarrhea Barbie - for a special time only she comes with her own commode

The Action Barbie Line:

Bazooka Barbie - with the push of a button, the bazooka fires real missiles
Lunatic Barbie - her hair stands on end like magic
Suicide Bomber Barbie - with strap-on dynamite
D-Day Barbie - she's amphibious
Terminator Barbie - with glowing red eyes
French Revolution Barbie - she'll never have a bad hair day

The Paranormal Line:

Zombie Barbie - pull a string and she moans "brains"
Ghost Barbie - the only transparent Barbie
Vampire Barbie - Fangs never looked so fab

The Just Plain Disturbing Line:

Black Lung Barbie - accessorize with a pickax and coal car
Rabies Barbie - with foam-at-the-mouth action
Truck Stop Barbie - she swears like a truck driver (parental guidance suggested)
Circus Freak Barbie - hair, tattoos, piercings, and more hair
Blow Fly Barbie - squeeze her stomach and gel flies ooze out of her limbs

And there's plenty more where that came from. I've never seen my boys so excited to talk dolls.

Quote to live by

2009-10-15T12:14:00.001-06:00

“Pain is temporary. Quitting lasts forever.”

---Lance Armstrong

Today's Word

2009-10-12T21:12:00.004-06:00

discombobulate - [dis-kum-bob-yuh-leyt] - verb (used with object)

Definition:
to confuse or disconcert; upset; frustrate

Usage:
I am completely discombobulated by computer events the last couple of days. I went to bed Saturday night and everything was fine. On Sunday morning my oldest son told me there was a weird dialogue box when he turned on the computer and every personal setting, document, picture, music file, bookmark, etc. was gone. The computer looked like when we turned it on the first time out of the box. *panic* Luckily I have online backup (aside: Get it. Do it. It's so worth $5 a month) and so I started restoring everything - a process that would take 12 hours.

Then hours later the online backup program showed that it had paused the restore and gone through its routine daily backup, and listed the files that had been changed. What??? It shouldn't have had anything to change, because there were no more files left! But what was even more valuable was it listed the changed files and their location on the computer, which was some freaky TEMP file where whatever had happened had stashed *everything*. So I hadn't lost everything. In fact, I now had duplicates of whatever the restore had gotten to. So I went on a hunt and delete party. I only got through most of the documents, and none of the pictures or music.

Then this morning I turned on the computer and my desktop wallpaper of Saturday was back (which it wasn't on Sunday) as well as all my internet settings, and my documents and pictures in the right places and not duplicated. There are a few files missing that I've quickly restored from my backup, but I'm sure I wasn't hallucinating all day yesterday because my family all saw it.

And that's why there hasn't been a good post with pics over the weekend, because all my photos disappeared, then relocated to a strange file in the cobwebby corners of my hard drive, and then popped back into place.

I'm beginning to suspect that my computer is possessed. I think it's been fraternizing with my hot water heater. *staring suspiciously at other appliances*

Soft Pretzel Recipe

2009-10-05T21:01:00.002-06:00

This is a favorite at our house. (I'd love to claim the credit, but Jason's the one who always makes these.) Delicious!

Soft Pretzels

Ingredients:
1 1/8 cups water (around 70-80 degrees F)
3 tablespoons light corn syrup (or can use brown sugar)
3 cups flour
2 tablespoons margarine (cut into 4 pieces)
1 1/2 teaspoons active dry yeast

2 quarts water
1/2 cup baking soda

non-stick cooking spray
4 tablespoons margarine (melted)
coarse sea salt

Directions:
Place the first five ingredients in the bread machine in the order they are listed (putting one margarine piece in each corner of the bread maker and the yeast in the center of the flour).

Select the “Dough” setting on the bread machine and let it run its cycle (should take about 80-90 minutes).

When cycle is complete, turn the dough onto a lightly floured surface and divide into eight balls.

In a saucepan, combine water and baking soda and bring to a boil.

While soda water is heating up, use your hands to roll each ball into a rope about 20 inches long and then form into pretzel shape.

Carefully lower pretzels (one at a time) into the boiling soda water for about 10 seconds, remove with a slotted spoon, and place onto paper towel.

Spray baking sheet, place pretzels, baste them with butter, and liberally sprinkle salt.

Bake at 425 degrees F for about 10 minutes.

My Kids Are Like Horses

2009-10-03T20:27:00.008-06:00

Yes, my kids sometimes walk on all fours. And when Princess dresses up in her Hawaiian grass skirt you'd think a horse was eating hay in her room, but I'm referring to a specific way my kids are like horses.

Sugar cubes.

Some of you may not have had the joy yet of building a 3D model of one of the Seven Wonders of the World out of sugar cubes. Lucky for us, we've reached this milestone of life!

We are now the proud owners of a 2 1/2 foot high (slightly crooked) sugar cube model of the Lighthouse of Alexandria!

Artist's depiction of the lighthouse.

And our lighthouse.

But, as Professor was sure to point out to me, it can't be too perfect. It has to be sixth grade work.

I learned something about my children during this process. They have as much of a fascination with sugar cubes as do horses. The boxes of cubes on the counter were like black holes of temptation, sucking them over to stare with longing and pester me with questions.

"Mom, can we open them?" "I just want to see what they look like!" "Can I taste one?" "I just want to see them." "Can't we just look?" "What do they feel like?" "What do they taste like?"

My daughter even went so far as to shake the box of cubes so that grains of sugar would fall out, and then she would lick the sugar off the counter top. I wish I were kidding.

And then when we actually *opened* the first box to start making the model--the joy! The rapture! The requests to eat "just one"!

I did let them each have a cube. You'd think it was the greatest thing since... well ... sugar.

Lucky for us, we still have half a box left.

Maybe I should give them away as Christmas presents.

Storytime

2009-09-29T21:19:00.004-06:00

Last Saturday I got home from hiking a mountain with friends (yes, a blog complete with pictures is forthcoming) and discovered that Princess was on a story kick. And in our house, you don't just read stories or tell stories, you also write stories.

I am so proud. *sniff*

Sit back and enjoy Tales of a Six Year Old Imagination, by Princess Theler.

1. The Magic Ball

Once upon a time there was a dog who was playing with a magic ball. When he rolled the ball cats came out of it. When he bounced the ball water came out of it. He chased the cats and he drank the water. When he bit the ball paper airplanes came out of it. Then he went inside to sleep.

2. The Shop

Once upon a time there was a boy named Turbo* and a girl named Princess*, who wanted to start a shop. So they went and they got some wood and some nails and Turbo got the hammer. So they built the shop. Then they got some toys and some clothes. People came. Then Turbo and Princess got rich.

*names have been changed to protect privacy

3. Unnamed

Once upon a time there was a starfish who was looking for a friend. He looked and looked for a friend. He found a friend named Flippy. They played and they played. Then they got tired. Then they fell asleep. The next day the woke up then they ran and ran. They they got married and they had a baby.

4. Me and My Dad

My dad is so nice and I love him so much and he loves me so much.

*illustrated with a stick figure dad and stick figure daughter holding hands next to a large, orange heart.

5. Princess's Wish

Once upon a time there was a girl named Princess who wanted to meet a princess named Cinderella. There was many people. Princess was waiting until Cinderella said, "Princess? Come here. Let's do a makeover." When they were done there was spiderwebs all over the castle. Cinderella said there was a spiderweb spray on the mountains. So they went and got the spiderwebs spray and they sprayed the castle and Princess became a hero.

6. Untitled

Once upon a time there was a girl named Princess who had a magic cat. When she petted the cat it made another cat. When she chased the cat it went "meow" over and over. When she fell asleep the cat fell asleep.

7. Rainbows - a picture book
(illustrated in full color)

Rainbows are pretty. Rainbows are up in the sky. Rainbows are made out of water and dust.

The End

I love it that Princess makes her own books. I think she's been watching me. :) And I know there are more stories than that around the house, but those are all I can find at the moment. And it's so much cuter seeing it in her writing, but I'm too lazy to scan everything in.

RedRock Wrapup

2009-09-24T20:29:00.010-06:00

It's time to wrap up the RedRock Relay (which we're already planning on running again next year - yea!). Our van's turn was up and we drove through the beautiful Kolob area of Zion's National Park to the next van exchange in lovely La Verkin. Get ready for some absolutely gorgeous pics! I had a hard time deciding which ones to post, so I'm posting a lot of them. :)

This terrain reminded me a lot of where I grew up. *sniff*

The road less traveled...

Notice the dark clouds in the background? That's a nasty hail storm we just missed. (I found out about it in the middle of the night when we ran into a friend who had to run through it.) The weather for the whole race was just crazy!

You know why we're so happy? Cause we're not the ones running in 94 degree heat. (Poor Jenny.)

Not only is this a cool pic, but I had to capture the misspelled sign. (Sorry, writer-nerdiness.) I know for a fact the ones organizing the race were suffering from worse sleep deprivation than any of us.

Leaving Zion's...

... and on to the important stuff, like FOOD!

This was after we went to a grocery store, bought a few cases of bottled water, and got several strange looks as we laughed uncontrollably about counting items in the shopping cart ahead of us. Trust me, you had to be there.

Next up, some attempted sleep and then running in the middle of the night--with more crazy weather.

It started out hot and muggy, then progressed to a sprinkle, then a spectacular two-hour lightning storm across the middle of nowhere desert.

I tried and tried to get a picture of the amazing lightning, but my little camera couldn't catch it. I haven't seen a storm like that in years.

And then just before I was to start my relay leg, the heavens opened and dumped buckets and buckets of water. I was sopping in 5 seconds flat and ran in a literal stream of water running down the side of the road. My headlamp and visor kept slipping into my eyes because I was so wet they couldn't stay on. You'll notice the lack of pictures as my teammates stayed mostly dry in the car.

After a glorious hot shower and two hours of sleep in a real bed (thanks Elaine's aunt & uncle!), we were ready to head out again to finish the race.

The other van was very happy to be finished with their part.

Why yes, that is another hill...

More scenery that reminds me of where I grew up. *sniff again*

This is me starting on my last leg, which was the most beautiful, amazing, gorgeous 4.3 miles I have ever run. Hands down!

I don't have any pictures of Snow Canyon itself, because I was flying so fast the van barely caught up to me in time.

Okay, that's perhaps a *little* exaggeration, but I did run pretty fast. Gotta love downhill. :)

Here we are at the finish line. Not first, but not last either. And sooo happy to be there.

Van #2

Moms Run Amok *will* be back!

Having a Box of a Time

2009-09-22T19:04:00.006-06:00

The other day I heard Princess and several of the neighbor kids having a great time outside. I peeked out a window to see what had them so enthralled.

It was 3 boxes. That's right--boxes.

They were having tons of fun with simple, brown, cardboard boxes.

(This is probably my favorite pic.)

I wonder if we adults are over-thinking this whole buy-expensive-toys thing.

The upcoming Christmas list at our house is going to be seriously revamped.

Boxes of doom

2009-09-17T19:12:00.000-06:00

There they are. Sitting on my desk. Taunting me.

They aren't big, or even heavy or ugly. But just looking at them makes me shudder. Why should I be so afraid of boxes? I'm a grown woman, for heaven's sake. I've run up and down mountains and given birth to --count them--three children!

These boxes should mean nothing to me.

I chant to myself, It's okay, it's okay. I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and randomly grab one.

It's okay.

I hold it with one hand and shake it. It doesn't rattle or make a noise. The insides are packed tightly. I open my eyes. I've got the red one, which is actually more hot-pink.

I grasp the pull-tab. With a ripping sound that echoes the ripping in my heart, I open the box. It's all over--I can't return it now.

It's okay. It's okay.

With a small shake the contents slide onto the desk with a bubble-wrapped thunk.

It's okay. It's... No. It's not okay. Are you serious? I paid a small fortune for that?!

It's freaking not okay at all! How can they even look at themselves in the mirror while they rip people off like this?!

I'm not talking about lawyers, or even those people who rip you off with all those obscure mortgage fees. I'm talking about the criminal nature of the printer ink business!

And what's up with the whole your-printer-can't-print-in-just-black-if-the-color-cartridges-are-empty-even-though-the-black-one-is-almost-completely-full piece of crap? I'm curious how somehow all 3 of my colors ran out at the same time. It's a conspiracy, I tell you!!

And we switched to a laser printer after I almost went postal on the ink jets. Have you priced laser printer cartridges lately? They sell to the tune of $72. PER CARTRIDGE!!!

But at least they provide you with a nice mailing label so you can send the old cartridge back in the box to recycle it. Gee, thanks.

Thanks for a whole lot of nothing!

*You'll have to excuse the rant, but I and my household budget are still reeling from the trip to Office Depot.*

RedRock Relay - beyond the Tweets

2009-09-12T14:32:00.017-06:00

I know it took me a while, but here are pics and commentary from the RedRock Relay from last weekend.

2 days
187 miles
8000 ft. descent

I was in Van #2, so the first van went up Thursday night to be ready for our teams early start time. We left early Friday morning and briefly stopped at the start.

The ladies of Van #2.

Then we hurried through some gorgeous scenery:

Yes, this is taken out the window of a moving car. We didn't have cell phone service so we had no idea how far the first van had gotten and we didn't want to be late.

Once we found the others in gorgeous Cedar Breaks National Monument, we stopped for a few minutes to decorate.

The binky was Annette's baby genius idea. And believe it or not that thing stayed on the whole time and halfway home on the freeway!

Almost the whole team (except for the one running and the one about to run).

Our first set of runs included Mt. Diablo (someone spray painted the picture of a devil on the road). The runners were happy for the overcast sky and sprinkle of rain.

Did I mention more gorgeous scenery?? I love the desert.

My van assured me this 7.6 miles was a beautiful run. I'm afraid I was too busy trying not to slip on the gravel and figuring out breathing in the higher altitude to fully appreciate it. As you can see the sun came out for my run.

And there were a few hills. (Notice the teeny tiny runner in red in the upper right hand corner.)

I'm not sure what this means. She was the fastest runner, so maybe it's the secret to her super speed...

More gorgeousness.

Say hello to the curious cows who crossed the road along with the runners. Not everyone can say they ran with the cows. Moo!

I just decided I better do the race in two installments so the post doesn't get too long. Look for more running tales, more breathtaking scenery, and more silliness as sleep deprivation really hits.

Remember...

2009-09-11T07:00:00.000-06:00

Today, please take a moment to remember...

Sleep Deprivation and Texting

2009-09-08T13:09:00.003-06:00

This last weekend I ran in the RedRock Relay and in the fraction of the 31 hours we were running that I actually had cell phone service I texted Twitter and Facebook status updates. Once I got home I looked at my updates and realized that sleep deprivation does, indeed, affect texting as well.

For those who maybe don't stalk Twitter or Facebook, here's the list:

Soccer, sleep, and then on to another 180 mile relay race tomorrow & Saturday. Look for the tweets!

We're on the road to get to the race. The first 6 runners are already going. Our turn in a few hours. Yahoo!

Our team name is Moms Run Amok. We're thinking of running in aprons. 180 mile relay is quite the girl's weekend!

Second pit stop in 2 1/2 hours. My teammates will probably regret having me in their van.

Our team is doing great! And I'm thrilled to finally have cell phone reception. Gorgeous scenery and cloud cover so it's cool.

For some updates. No service for 5 hours. Running in high altitude has slowed everyone down so we're an hour later than projected.

Kudos to those in van #1 who just started running a few months ago. They had some killer legs! Oh look. It's raining.

My first leg in about 20 minutes. 7.6 miles of rolling hills. But its not 100 degree heat. Hallelujah!

Holy crap a moley! Tiffany's leg is way harder than it looked on paper. It just keeps going up! And up. And up.

This is real back country. We have service once again but who knows for how long. The sun came out for my run.

My run was harder than I thought it would be mostly because it was all dirt road and/or mud. And sun. But it's over & I did good!

The cattle guards and cow herd crossing the road with the runners sure add to the ambiance. Moo!

And just for my mom- I didn't run as fast as I can. ;)

We drove through a small section of Zion's National Park and it is soo beautiful!

T-Mobile service down here stinks.

The hopping town of La Verkin is T-Mobile friendly. But don't call me. We're sleeping. Only 4 more hours until we run again.

No, we're not drunk. That's exhaustion making us laugh insanely over nothing. It's only going to get worse esp w Elaine.

Forget sleep. The lure of food is too strong. It's a full on meal in the parking lot.

Amazing how much more human you feel with a change of clothes & using a toothbrush.

The hum of another team's motor home next to us almost drowns out the traffic noise enough to sleep. Almost.

Inside the motor home they're baking a cake. I wonder which flavor won the debate they were having earlier.

An older runner from the motor home team took a wrong turn & begged for Gatorade from us after a 6 mile detour.

We gladly shared. I wonder if that means we can have a piece of cake. Or use their shower. I'll take shower.

We're more than halfway through. It's almost time for our night runs. The rest of the teams have caught up to us.

For our team we left behind 12 husbands 46 kids 12 fish 4 frogs 3 dogs 2 birds 2 guinea pigs 1 cat 1 hamster 1 gecko & 1 snail.

I ran into some people I know & apparently we just missed a super nasty hail storm & torrential downpour.

Our night runs are going good. It cooled down with a great lightning storm off in the distance. But here comes the rain. . .

The rain is coming down. Just in time for my run. Lovely! Annette did fantastic in the pouring rain.

Our van is all done with our second leg! Now we're crashing for a few hours @ teammates aunt & uncles house.

A hill on an altitude graph is different than looking at the road & knowing you have to run from here to are you kidding there.

Whoever clocked some of those relay legs was way off. Two of our legs were up to a mile longer than we were told.

Two hours of sleep in a real bed is heaven! We're ready to run again (at least that's what we're telling ourselves).

The sun is shining & it's almost our van's turn again. Such pretty country!

The metropolis of Gunlock doesn't like T-Mobile either. So sorry for the 8 tweets that will probably come through at the same time.

Perhaps the best story is Natalie's pitch black run @ 3:30 on a trail alone w the psycho homeless hit telling at runners. **Supposed to be psycho homeless man yelling at runners**

The town of Veyo - boasting a cafe and Sinclair station - reminds me a little of my home town. And no cell service here either.

Just FYI there is no animal control in Veyo. You just have to outrun the little dog w a Napoleon complex stalking the port a potty.

I just inhaled a bug. I'm serious! Half our van is finished.

I'm up in about 30 minutes I'm running down the gorgeous Snow Canyon. Over 4 miles downhill. Nice!

Putting on still-soggy shoes. *squish* *squish*

Yes! Finally some call service. Minutes from my run. Are you on the other side! **Supposed to say: Finally some cell service. Minutes from my run. See you on the other side!**

My run was breathtaking!! And all downhill. I flew! Now a few minutes from the finish line.

My relay team, Moms Run Amok, is awesome! We're now eating lots of food. Singing out from the Redrock Relay. **Supposed to say: Signing Off from the RedRock Relay**

The next post will be pictures and stories, so get ready!

Forget the Tooth Fairy, I want a Dishes Fairy

2009-09-01T08:19:00.005-06:00

Why should children get all the supernatural fun?

I hereby petition the universe for help for grown ups. How about:

A Dishes Fairy - she (or he, I don't care what gender) visits kitchens of good little moms and dads while their sleeping and cleans all the dishes with a wave of his/her wand
A Taxes Fairy
A Whining Elf - if the kids whine then their mouth gets magically glued shut for at least 10 minutes
A Bathroom-Cleaning Fairy
A Jolly old elf with reindeer who will do my grocery shopping--and ad match!
A Homework Fairy - must be impervious to whining
A Car Washing Bunny
A Lego-Scooping Pixie - who will find all those nearly invisible ones that I don't see until I step on them in bare feet in the dark
A Weeding Elf
A Laundry Folding Fairy
A Diaper Changing Fairy
A Hunt Down My Kids Wherever They Are in the Neighborhood Bunny

How about it? Any of you think these sound better than the Tooth Fairy?

Sliding down a rock in freezing cold water

2009-08-29T20:59:00.005-06:00

I know the title of this post doesn't sound particularly fun, but it really was! The day before school started I had planned on forcing...I mean, taking... the kids swimming for a last hurrah. Then a friend invited us to go to Sliding Rock with them, a really cool place just up the road (about 10 miles) that I had never heard of. My kids get along great with hers and hiking around is right up my alley, so we changed our plans.

We had a great time, just three moms, a whole pack of kids, and the glory of nature. Oh, and all the high school students and the other moms we met on the way and those teenagers that were somehow better than the rest of us and could get in the gate so they drove up the mile to the waterfall while we had to hoof it.

I don't know...

Are you sure about this?

Sure or not, at this point you can't change your mind.

Even mom, a.k.a. Coldilocks, slid down the rock in the fuh-reezing cold water (snow melt, anyone?). And I went not once, but TWICE! (Yes, be amazed.) The second time was with 6 year-old princess who was so brave!

Just chilling...

No seriously. Can you believe how cold the water is?!

Whew! What an adventure.

On the way home Turbo said enthusiastically, "That was one of the wonders of the world that God created for us!"

And that was almost better than the adventure.

Neighborhood water fight

2009-08-25T13:51:00.004-06:00

My boys were so excited when we got the news. They sat around and plotted, and hid an ammo stash of water balloons. What a great way to start the last week of summer!

Who needs a squirt gun or water balloons when a plain old squirt bottle will work just fine?

Payback!

Then the buckets got involved.

Notice the dry-ish moms hanging out on the side? There was a reason I held on to my camera with a death grip. Don't soak the woman with the camera! (And they were circling me like buzzards, too. But I escaped mostly dry.)

I love my neighborhood!

The need for a PLAN

2009-08-21T20:32:00.004-06:00

Now that school's in, for the first time in several years I have some good chunks of time to dedicate to things I want/need to do. There are a whole slew of things (I really like that phrase) that I can do during those chunks. I figure I can throw myself into it all and just *go for it* but in my experience that often leads to directionless running around like Mike the Headless Chicken (who lived 18 months without a head), the biggest celebrity from my hometown. *I'm not kidding. See?*

You can find out about Mike the Headless Chicken and his yearly festival (I'm not kidding about that either) here. My favorite quote from that site is "It is a great comfort to know you can live a normal life, even after you have lost your mind." Ha ha ha!

Anyway, back to the blog post. Much as I appreciate Mike for putting Fruita on the map, I don't want to waste 18 months emulating him. So I decided it's time for a PLAN.

And to do that we need a huddle!

**In keeping with the random bits of trivia I'm in the mood to share, did you know that the huddle was invented by a deaf football player? Here's the story.**

I've invited various parts of me to the huddle--the lazy me, the computer junkie me, the productive me, the mommy/wife me, the writer me, the silly me, the blogging me, the psycho-exercising me, and the time wasting me. (Other parts of me didn't show up for the huddle, but I'll track them down for their input.)

In the huddle:

Productive me: We're here to come up with a PLAN.

Lazy me: Do we have to capitalize plan? Because that takes more work.

Productive me: Yes, it's all caps. PLAN just sounds more serious than plan. And this is serious.

Silly me: That's my problem sometimes--being too serious. It makes me seem like an old fuddy-duddy.

Time Wasting me: Is this going to take long? Because I haven't checked facebook yet today.

Productive me: Facebook can wait. Don't you dare open Tweetdeck, either!

Time Wasting me: But Twitter is so helpful.

Writer me: It really is. All those editors and agents put good stuff on there. As well as authors, too. Just check out this blog about how Twitter is not just a waste of time.

Blogging me *smirking*: I showed her that.

Mommy/wife me *raises hand*: I need to get the laundry out of the dryer.

Productive me: Fine. But do it quickly and come right back!

Lazy me: I think I'll go eat a banana--

Productive me: Hold it! You're not leaving until we have a PLAN.

Lazy me: You let her go.

Computer junkie me: I wonder if I have any new email.

Productive me: You just checked it 10 minutes ago.

Writer me: We've just been wasting valuable writing time. I gotta get in my 6.5 pages today.

Psycho-exercising me: I could go for a 10 mile bike ride and think this all out in my head.

Productive me: You know that exercise/planning thing never works. And don't worry, you'll get your writing time in.

Lazy me: But I'm hungry. And you don't want to get your blood sugar so low you almost pass out like yesterday in the dentist's office.

Silly me: They all thought it was watching them pull your son's teeth.

Psycho-exercising me *indignant*: It wasn't that at all. It was the 5 mile run in the heat and not eating enough.

Silly me: Yeah, right.

Psycho-exercising me: It had nothing to do with the blood. It was all blood sugar!

Blogging me: This will make a great blog. I better go write it down before I forget.

Productive me: Do! Not! Leave! We're having a huddle, people!

Writing me *tapping watch*: 6.5 pages...

Psycho-exercising me: I'm not huddling next to her *points at silly me who is making funny faces*

Time Wasting me: I think I'd like to try out a new station on Pandora.

*huddle breaks up as everyone starts talking at once*

Productive me *yelling*: Stop it! This isn't getting us anywhere!

Um, yeah. So maybe the PLAN will happen next week.

Squeeee!

2009-08-20T10:36:00.004-06:00

Today is the...

FIRST!!

DAY!!

OF SCHOOL!!

And yes, I'm really *that* excited!

All three children are in school for the full day now, which leaves me with 6-ish hours to get to all those things I couldn't before, and to write like I've never been able to. It's like a whole new world opening right before my eyes... *staring into the distance with a pensive--yet optimistic--expression*

But first I think I'm just going to sit on the couch, stare at the wall, and enjoy the silence for a little while...

Doing a half-job

2009-08-14T20:06:00.011-06:00

As in a half-marathon. Yes, my hubby finally succumbed to spouse-pressure and agreed to run a half-marathon with me. For those who may not know, a half-marathon is 13.1 miles.

We signed up 4 weeks before the race so luckily we were both still in decent shape from running the Wasatch Back. And it was an experience, for sure!

We'd been told that this race was a bit disorganized in the past. Maybe you should be the judge.

First of all, I almost broke out in hives every time I had to go to the website for information. I'm pretty sure that English is not the primary language of whoever organizes this race. The directions were about as clear as some of those assembly instructions included in furniture-in-a-box from Wal-Mart. And as we got reminder emails for what to do as the race approached I realized that we were dealing with an English-language free spirit. I am obviously way too rigid in my use of punctuation and the old-fashioned notion that you must string words together so they make sense. Pshaw!

Punctuation is optional and can be placed any! where at random? poin,ts . Spacesarealso used only when, you feel likeit and sentences ?don't even have to! make sense. Something else I learned was that !!exclamation! marks in different colors! are really ! nifty (especially red) and that you can leave a sentence at two words and an exclamation mark so that your reader has to guess the rest. Like: Pick Up! (Pick up what? Where? When? Aaargh!)

**Do you see why I almost went into a seizure every time I had to try and decipher one of these horrible emails?! My poor, aching writer brain!

So after figuring out the instructions (sort of), we decided we had to leave at 4:45 a.m. so we could get to the place to be in line for the bus up to the starting line because we simply must! be on the bus! by 5:30!! or else we would miss the start time of 6:30! I repeat: the start time of 6:30!

We managed to get on a bus fairly quickly. *whew* We were talking, laughing, and enjoying the Ben Gay scented interior until we began wondering where we were. The driver had turned from the road we thought he should be on (but, hey, we'd never run this race before so what did we know) and we were trundling in the dark up a little one-lane road with mountain chalets on either side. Suddenly the bus just stopped in the middle of the road. The driver had obviously figured out he was lost. And there wasn't enough room to turn around a full-size school bus. Soooo, naturally the driver slowly backed down the little road with parked cars on either side. In the dark. And we're looking at our watches as the start time of 6:30 creeps closer.

Eventually we backed our way to the parking lot where we had gone astray. We made it up to the starting line and the super-welcome line of port-a-potties. We got off the bus and realized that the mulling crowd of 400 people by the bathrooms weren't just hanging out. They were all in line. Forget that! We joined a couple other people clambering around the mountainside to visit nature's facilities.

It was really cold and we were glad for our sweats, esp. as the start time! of 6:30 came and went without a single sign of someone who actually was in charge. After 7:00 we finally pressed with the 2000 other people toward the start line. The gun went off and it was time to run with the herds of the Serengeti.

Yep. That's what the first four miles felt like. Dodging runners of various speeds and girths. But once the runners spread out we were able to enjoy a good, scenic run. And it was nice to see so many people we knew. *More fun to pass them than to have them pass us :) *

We made the whole race together--Jason with his monstrous blisters (I didn't post pics, you can thank me later) and me with a hip that decided 10 miles was enough. We finished at 1:43:35 (but actually 1:42 because I'm not counting my mad dash into the woods to avoid another port-a-potty line).

We were #235 & 236 overall. Jason was 29th in his division and 158 overall for the men. I was 34th in my division and 96 overall for the women. Not too shabby!

That's! right! We're! Runners!

A special thanks to James for being at our house before 5 a.m. so we could do it. *hugs*

Is it just me...

2009-08-12T07:00:00.001-06:00

... or does this look like something you might get from Pampered Chef?

Yes, there's only a week until the first day of school.

And it's probably a good thing I didn't have a shiny, nice, Pampered paddle around the last little while.

An actual campground is optional when camping

2009-08-10T14:39:00.003-06:00

All you really need is a backyard, a tent, and a BBQ.

S'mores by BBQ is way cooler than S'mores by campfire, doncha know?

Oh, you do also need a husband willing to sleep out in said tent in the backyard, since it would be way too squishy for me to be in there with the kids, too. And yes, even though it was a sacrifice, I volunteered to sleep in the horribly boring house in my horribly boring bed. I did yell out the window "Are you okay out there, sweetie?" to my husband. I am, after all, a loving and attentive wife.

Alice in Wonderland - Tim Burton Style

2009-08-07T08:00:00.000-06:00

In case you haven't heard about the upcoming movie, here's the teaser trailer. It looks really interesting. I'm not a big fan of the story, or necessarily Tim Burton's movies, but I'm definitely curious.

A-hiking We Will Go

2009-08-04T08:22:00.007-06:00

That's right, I dragged the family off for some more hiking fun. Don't let the kids fool you. They enjoy it almost as much as me. This time we hiked up a mountain to visit a prominent white letter. Those of you who know where we live will know what letter that is. Those of you who don't, well, you can pick any letter you want (although there may be clues in this post).

The city in the background.

At the top. Yea! It was a steep climb, but the kids did great.

Turbo retrieving a fellow hiker's hat. He liked it so much he went down the letter the whole way (no cheating on the steps on the side).

And here we are climbing down the big, white letter.

Unfortunately, we didn't see the sign at the foot of the trail that said not to climb on the letter until we were all finished. Oops! So, don't do what we did. *sheepish*

And a sudden, spontaneous urge to do YMCA?

What a view!
The kids wanted to photograph the wildlife we came across.
The kids liked going down much better than going up.

Wahoo! We did it!

Selective Squeamishness

2009-07-29T07:00:00.001-06:00

My children are afflicted with a disease. And I'm going to be candid about it. It's my public duty to share our experiences. If we can even help just one other person, it will be worth it. (Please don't shun us.)

My kids suffer regularly from . . . drum roll. . .

Selective Squeamishness

It's a hard cross to bear, for both them and me. Researchers and doctors are frantically searching for a cure. We can only hope they'll find one soon. You may be wondering about the signs of this dreaded disease, and you have a right to be concerned. Let me fill you in.

The inconsistency of Selective Squeamishness is what makes it so bad. You might have cause to worry if any of these sound familiar:

Your children may have no problem playing the mud,

(Not my child.)

But as soon as it's time to load the dishwasher...

...the horrible disease strikes.

Instantly squeamish!

Half stepped-on candy stuck to the parking lot is a serious snack option,

but when it's time to take out the garbage...

Instantly Squeamish!

Food Fights are often a begged for after-dinner pastime...

but nothing makes the Selective Squeamishness disease flare up like cleaning the bathroom.

Instantly Squeamish X3!

Almost as bad as bathroom cleaning-induced squeamishness is ridding the garden of squash bugs. (Something I found out yesterday.)

Squash bug eradication involves killing the adult squash bugs that lay a bazillion eggs each. (Maybe a slight exaggeration.) You can squish them or pick them up and drop them in a bucket of soapy water. And for all you bug rights people, they can suck a squash plant dry in a matter of days, so I'll send them over to your gardens.

Selective Squeamishness hit big time, which is strange because all other kinds of bugs are fair game. Eventually I convinced my kids that the bugs wouldn't hurt them, but the kidlets still preferred to look for the bugs and squeal when they saw them (which wasn't hard since there was a colony of about 500).

For your sake I hope your house is free from this horrible disease. Please put a fuschia colored ribbon with neon green sequined fringe on your antennae to show you support Selective Squeamishness research.

Thank you.

Starting off with a laugh

2009-07-27T08:52:00.002-06:00

I love Pachelbel's Canon in D, but after watching this funny video I may never hear it the same again.

Have a great week!

What Michael Jackson has to do with being bored

2009-07-23T19:30:00.005-06:00

We're almost 2 months through with summer vacation, and, at least in my house, the kids are starting to struggle a little bit with boredom. And since I informed them early on that if they came to me whining about nothing to do that I would find them something to do (and it would be practically guaranteed to involve some sort of scrubbing or weeding), they are doing pretty good at entertaining themselves. Sometimes their ways of entertaining themselves also entertains me.

This is the story of one of those such times.

Once upon a couple weeks ago I was upstairs on the computer plugging away faithfully on the current book that I'm writing. Princess was happily chattering away with her friends down in the kitchen. She had informed me they were going to make a museum and they were all set with stacks of paper and every color of crayon and marker invented.

I finished up the scene I was working on and headed downstairs to see how things were going. Princess & Company proudly told me all about the first museum exhibit.

A Michael Jackson exhibit.

These are the only two pictures I have. The other girls took theirs home before I thought to photograph them. I just about died laughing.

This was the week after Michael Jackson died and everywhere you turned the media was talking about it. Princess knows who he was and one of her favorite songs is "Thriller."

It made me laugh hard. Much more entertaining than the Frozen Bug Exhibit they were working on today. I got quite the surprise when I opened the freezer to get something out.

Finishing up the Wasatch Back

2009-07-21T21:42:00.017-06:00

I need to get this race finished off so I can get to all the other blogs waiting to be written. :)

So... the third and final leg of the race. While we were playing "I Just Dare You To Sleep" in the sardine gym, the other van got to see this gorgeous sunrise.

Wow! Really, the scenery was fantastic. Even at night. A few times while I was running I looked up at the thousands of stars. You don't realize how much light pollution limits the stars you can see until you get away from it.

Our turn to run (for the last time) was coming up yet again. Jason got down to business stretching and making sure he was ready.

(Remember. No sleep!)

During Jason's run the rain and wind started. Here he is at the end, and boy was he ready to be done running for a while.

Up and over Jordanelle Reservoir, which was gorgeous.

This engagement-like picture *was not* our idea; I would have showered, brushed my hair, and not been covered in crusty hours-old sweat if it had been my idea.

I was dreading my last run, not because it was hard (only 3.1 miles flat) but because by that point I could seriously barely move. The other runners kept sneaking concerned looks at me each time I got in and out of the car (which took 5 minutes). They were thinking the same thing I was, "How in the world is she actually going to run?"

I sure didn't know how, but when my turn came I did it. In the pouring rain. And boy, did it hurt! I got through it on sheer stubborn determination. Here's a little snippet of what went through my head: I just want this race over with! Ow. Ow. Ow. Only 2.5 miles and I can be done and die in peace! I can't believe that freaking van with Viking horns taped to the roof just drove through that huge puddle and soaked me. Stupid race. Ow. Ow. Ow. No way is this just 3.1 miles!

Finally finished!

You may not be able to tell in this picture, but I was head to toe dripping wet. Soaked. (Notice everyone else is bundled up.)
I practically passed out in the car as we drove to Park City to wait at the finish line for our last runner. Everyone was cold and exhausted, but I was also extremely sore. Finally our last runner arrived and we all ran (or hobbled, in my case) the last little bit across the finish line together. We crossed the finish line in 27 hrs 31 minutes. Just before the full-force monsoon hit. (We felt bad for those teams still running in it.)

Yippee! Go A-Team!

Our cool medal and T-shirt.

Jason helping me sloooowly move across the parking lot.
(If it looks like I'm walking funny it's because I'm walking funny.)

We had such a great time we'll definitely be doing it again!

More Wasatch Back

2009-07-18T19:42:00.010-06:00

Remember how the last post was just the first leg? Well, there's still 2/3 of the race to go! And a good chunk of that was in the dark.

"You mean we have to do this again? In a few hours?!"

But at least we had a few hours. We grabbed a bite to eat and drove past all the runners to wait at the posh comfort of Snow Basin Lodge - home of indoor plumbing, hot water, soft couches, and tired, sweaty runners sprawled *everywhere.* Sooner than we were ready for we got the text that the last runner of the second van was getting close. Our turn would be up soon.

Yes, that's me wrapped in the blanket. It was cold!

Jason was up. And boy was he ready for his 8.5 mile run up and down the mountain. It was a string of bobbing lights, and Jason gathered road kills willy-nilly as he flew down that mountain!

Is that him? I'm not sure. Taking pictures in the dark while in a moving car and the runner is moving=very bad pics.

There he is!

Staying warm with our teammates. Oh, yeah! We're bonding now.

My turn for the leg that I'd been dreading for weeks. 8.1 miles uphill at about 2:00 a.m.

I didn't even check my pace, just kept telling myself to keep going. Just make it through each song on the iPod and keep going. I did chalk up a good chunk of road kills, too. (The team renamed me "Night Stalker") I pushed it hard and finished in way less time than I expected. And after I was done my legs decided they were done, too. I couldn't get into the car. Jason had to push me in.

Our van's 2nd leg was finished and we went to a "Sleep Station" to try and catch a little sleep. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha...

Let's just say it's really hard to sleep while packed like Sardines with 500 other people on the hard gymnasium floor of a high school. Jason said it's the closest he hopes to come to sleeping in a homeless shelter after a natural disaster. It's like a human orchestra: shuffle, cough, whisper, creeaaak (the door squeaked), zip, footsteps, shuffle, snore, cough, creeeaaak, whisper, cell phone alarm, clatter, laugh, creaaaak, SNORE, shuffle, cough, SNORE, creak, shuffle, SNORE... There was a guy on an air mattress less than 10 feet away from us and next to him was a guy on a cot. And they were pretty comfortable, pretty tired, and seriously LOUD SNORERS. And I mean LOUD!

I lay on my side with one ear pressed to my pillow, my iPod in the other ear, and my sweatshirt over my eyes to block out the light of the constantly opening and closing door. To say we got an hour of sleep would be realistic--and probably a gross overestimate. And to help matters by that point I could barely move. Up and down the stairs required hanging onto the banister for dear life. We finally gave up on sleep and met in the cafeteria that served spaghetti and peanut butter sandwiches, but no breakfast. So we had breakfast from the back of the car.

Notice I'm not the one wrapped in a blanket now? Barry will forever hold the nickname of "Old Man Graff" after breakfast. And boy, did we think it was funny. We laughed and laughed and laughed. Everything was funny! (The poor runners trying to sleep on the grass by the car sure didn't think it was funny, though.)

On to Leg #3.
And on to another post, I think. This one would get too long if I were to finish the rest of the race.

Tales and Tears of the Wasatch Back - 1st Leg

2009-07-14T07:00:00.001-06:00

It's the post you've all been waiting for! (Now that I got photos from teammates) Over Father's Day weekend Jason and I ran a 188 mile relay race. It went up and over 4 mountain passes across the back of the Wasatch Mountains. Jason had been asked to be on a team from work sometime in January. A month before the race one of their team members had to drop out so they asked if I'd fill in.

Would I? I've been wanting to run the Wasatch Back since I first heard of it.

Our team was called the A-Team (for Alpine School District) and we even got dubbed new racing names.

I was "Juice."

And Jason was "Hammy" from the movie Over the Hedge.

Along with new names we also got rockin' matching T-shirts, and great window decorations.

Van One/Juan
(One of our team members is from England and when she says "one" it sounds like "Juan" - so it became a joke. Ok, I'll admit, on 1 hour of sleep *everything* became a joke.)

The "Eat Our Chalkdust" was a genius idea for the back window. (Wish I could claim it.)

We thought we were pretty styling until we met up with some of the other vans, like the Striping -- I mean, Stripping Warriors. (Note the teeny tiny little "p" smashed in there when they realized it was misspelled)

We started at 2:00 in the afternoon and had 650+ teams ahead of us. That's a lot of potential road kills (people you pass) to chalk up on our windows. *rubbing hands together*

Jason was Runner #1 and got us off to a great start.

How was the first leg of the race? "Very hot," Jason replied. We would all have liked a little more hot the next day when we finished in a monsoon.

The rest of the runners in our van ran through some truly gorgeous back country.

My first leg was early evening up and over the summit of Avon pass and down the other side on the oh-my-gosh-I'm-going-to-break-my-ankle-and-did-I-really-just-run-past-a-severed-deer-leg dirt road that was more like a rocky creek bed.

The end of the run. Finally!

This is what waited at the exchange.

Yes, that is a Lambourgini.
And see how close I was? That's my leg in the corner as I stretched. *giggle*

And next to the Lambourgini were...

2 yellow Corvettes. Suh-weet!!

Anyway, back to the race. I'm happy to report that on the first leg we started getting road kills, ran into some people we knew, and I didn't throw up after running. So... success!

I've realized this would be a really long post if I were to do the whole race so I'll tell you more about the rest of it in future posts.

One of those days

2009-07-13T13:48:00.000-06:00

I've been saving this email a friend sent me for a day just like today!

Tough Love vs. Spanking – One Person’s Perspective

Most of the American populace thinks it improper to spank children, so I have tried other methods to control my kids when they have one of "those moments."

One that I found effective is for me to just take the child for a car ride and talk.

Some say it's the vibration from the car, others say it's the time away from any distractions such as TV, Video Games, Computer, iPod, etc.

Either way, my kids usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our car ride together. Eye to eye contact helps a lot too.

I've included a photo below of one of my sessions with my son, in case you would like to use the technique.

*Don't lie. You're totally laughing, aren't you?*

Happy 13!

2009-07-10T19:01:00.000-06:00

Happy Friday all! Not only is it a bee-you-ti-ful Friday weather-wise (bring on the sun!!) but it also happens to be my anniversary. 13 years with my awesome husband! *sniff*

The traditional 13th anniversary gift is LACE.

And yes, that is my husband whooping and cheering in the corner. He likes this year better than, say, year 7 which is the wool and copper anniversary. That was an easy year for gifts. Steel wool anyone? And it came in so handy for that pot where I got involved writing that fight scene and forgot I was steaming carrots... *Note: I didn't really get him steel wool, but wouldn't that have been an *awesome* idea?!

He won't be nearly so happy when he unwraps that package of doilies.

Treadmills are not toys

2009-07-09T19:24:00.003-06:00

A fact which Princess is now convinced of. I'm afraid I have a child that has to learn things the hard way. *sigh*

This is 2 days after the incident.

What's missing in these pictures is her face. Imagine mouth wide open and emitting a wail to rival a siren. She's okay as long as the bandages are on. Once they come off the wailing begins anew.

For those of you who are concerned, she's doing pretty good. Nothing broken, just missing chunks of skin. I think the treadmill won this round.

Peel a banana the right way

2009-07-08T21:22:00.002-06:00

Very useful! I'm not kidding.

I need a laugh

2009-07-07T16:21:00.001-06:00

And this made me chuckle. Enjoy!

Steve was in trouble. He forgot Valentines Day. His wife was really angry and she told him, “Tomorrow morning I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 10 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!” The next morning Steve got up early and left for work.

When his wife woke up she looked out the window and, sure enough, there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway and brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Steve has been missing since Friday. Please pray for him

Happy Independence Day

2009-07-04T08:00:00.000-06:00

Let's celebrate our country and freedom today. Then wake up from the sleep of complacency and do what we have to when that freedom is threatened.

God Bless America!!

Extreme Sheepherding

2009-07-02T16:48:00.001-06:00

Many of us have heard of extreme sports, but I bet there's one that you've never heard of:

Extreme Sheepherding

That's right! Check it out here, and become a fan. Maybe I should design a bumper sticker.

**And yes, I know this is a lazy post, but life is really crazy right now and my hubby's home so I'm going to go take a nap. I will be back to normal blogginess soon.**

Trench warfare . . . inside?

2009-06-28T21:09:00.006-06:00

If you feel like a battle with trenches, a la WWI style, don't let the rain outside stop you. Or the fact that you can't actually *dig* a trench. All you need is some dirty laundry, all mom's pillows, some Stephenie Meyers books, and lots and lots of shoes.

The first line of trenches.

The second line.

And although it might be hard to tell, there's a third trench along the bed and back in the corner.

The other boy's trench. With "land mines" littering the ground in front.

And not to be outdone, Princess uses her stroller and shoes for her own trench.

Almost more funny than the trenches was their war trophy.
A "Stormtrooper On a Stick"

Princess wanted to try out the trophy.

And this is what happens when you get distracted taking pictures of what your children are doing so you can blog about it instead of finishing breakfast.
Mmmm. Nothing like a burnt frisbee with powdered sugar on top.

My new theme song

2009-06-25T13:56:00.002-06:00

This song hit me smack in the middle of my soul this week.

Nickelback - If Today Was Your Last Day from Nickelback on Vimeo.

"If Today Was Your Last Day" by Nickelback

My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day's a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had, if today was your last day?
What if, what if, if today was your last day?

Against the grain should be a way of life
What's worth the price is always worth the fight
Every second counts 'cause there's no second try
So live like you're never living twice
Don't take the free ride in your own life

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had?

And would you call those friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories?
Would you forgive your enemies?
And would you find that one you're dreaming of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you'd finally fall in love if today was your last day?

If today was your last day
Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?
You know it's never too late to shoot for the stars
Regardless of who you are

So do whatever it takes
'Cause you can't rewind a moment in this life
Let nothing stand in your way
'Cause the hands of time are never on your side

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had?

And would you call those friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories?
Would you forgive your enemies?
And would you find that one you're dreaming of
Swear up and down to God above
That you'd finally fall in love if today was your last day?

Now go live--really live--today!!

What happens when you're too sore to go upstairs

2009-06-23T19:39:00.003-06:00

And check on what your daughter and her 4 friends are doing quietly for half an hour.

It's official--she has too much stuff.

**I've almost recovered from my Ragnar Hangover. Or my Rag-lag (like jet lag). Expect a full report soon.

Woodchucking & Dads

2009-06-21T19:11:00.001-06:00

Picture This: A Father's Day Card

On the Front: A photo of a woodchuck yelling, with his paw in the air.

*not this picture, but this is a woodchuck*

Along with the words:

OH, YEAH? WELL, MY DAD WOULD CHUCK MORE WOOD THAN YOUR DAD WOULD CHUCK, EVEN IF YOUR DAD COULD CHUCK WOOD. WHICH I DOUBT!

The reaction: Much hilarity and mirth (and some snorting). You don't even need anything written on the inside, really.

Into the Mountains We Go

2009-06-18T19:01:00.009-06:00

As part of my "We're dragging the kids to do fun things this summer, no matter how much they whine about it" plan, we ignored the rain and headed out for our first "family bonding experience" of the summer.

Amid much groaning, complaining, and gnashing of teeth (on the parents' part), we piled into the car and headed to the mountains last week.

There were some great views.

(although Professor is really not fond of heights, as you can see).

One of the coolest views was this mommy and baby moose snacking in a flooded meadow.

Our destination:

A crack in the limestone has resulted in a bunch of natural springs bubbling up from the ground. It was beautiful, and all paved trail/boardwalk so the rain didn't matter.

And a closer look at the happy little springs. (Just feel the happy bubbliness...)

All in all it was a good day, and all the better because Mom and Dad could say, "Neener, neener! You had fun, so quit fighting us on the bonding experiences, all right?!"

We all need validation

2009-06-16T09:43:00.002-06:00

You, dear blog readers, are great! Your comments make blogging all worthwhile. You are truly awesome!

The first 3 minutes are fantastic if you don't have time for the whole thing. Enjoy!

We're going to have a validation day at our house today.

What a great moment

2009-06-13T09:06:00.004-06:00

At a wedding reception last night, someone turned to us and said, "What do you do? You have such well-behaved kids."

Wow. *Sniff* Moments like this don't happen very often.

**I forgot to mention what my oldest said after we left the reception. "We only act good because we won't get any cake if we don't." Yeah, we've got them trained well. :)

And just for fun.

Twilight Fever hits again

2009-06-09T14:27:00.004-06:00

Not too many days ago the first trailer for the movie New Moon (second in the Twilight series) hit the web.

If you're one of the three people that haven't seen it yet, here you go:

And because I can't resist, here's hilarious blogger Eric Snider's Rejected "Twilight" Screenplay. (The real reason for this post, just because I think it's so dang funny.)

No longer "Mom"

2009-06-05T20:25:00.006-06:00

To Whom It May Concern:

The board will be meeting this weekend to discuss a title other than "Mom" as we feel that name has been overused this first week of summer (and usually at top volume).

"Mom! What's for lunch?"
"Mom! Why do I have to come home?"
"Mom! Can you get me a unicorn Webkinz for Christmas?"
"Mom! Can we watch TV?"
"Mom! You're a slave driver! We've been pulling weeds for at least 15 minutes!"
"Mom! Can I have an otter pop?"
"Mom! Where are my shoes?"
"Mom! Why do I have to wear a helmet?"
"Mom! Where are you?"
"Mom! I'm not hungry yet."
"Mom! Carrots are gross!"
"Mom! Come see this!"
"Mom!"
"Mom!"
"Mooooooooooommmm!"

The person heretofore referred to as "Mom" will no longer be responding to that title. Neither will she answer to "Hey you" "Give it now" "Servant" or "Slave."

You might have some luck with "Oh Magnanimous and Beautiful One." "Her Graciousness," or "The Most Amazing Woman on the Planet."

She is open to other titles in this vein, which may be submitted via email for consideration before the deadline of midnight this coming Sunday. Make sure to put "We're Very Sorry, Mother Dearest for Driving You Insane" in the subject line, or the spam filter will likely grab your email.

Sincerely,
The woman formerly known as Mom

Three weekends to save a little money on vacation

2009-06-03T16:38:00.002-06:00

Last year our family did a Staycation, and this year I think lots of families will be doing that sort of vacation. I came across this little tidbit and wanted to share for all of you out there who are looking for inexpensive vacations this summer.

The National Parks Service will waive entrance fees at national parks and monuments for three weekends this summer: June 20-21, July 18-19, and August 15-16.

Here's the news article. And here are some great photos from some National Parks (none of which I took).

Bryce Canyon National Park

Yellowstone National Park

Arches National Park

Saguaro National Park

Mesa Verde National Park

You know, we've never been to the Grand Canyon. Maybe there are three weekends we might want to go.

Here's an article on Unheralded National Parks, in case you want to visit some of the less crowded ones those weekends.

Blogging

2009-06-02T07:00:00.001-06:00

I don't think I need to say anything else. :)

Kid Chuckles

2009-06-01T08:01:00.002-06:00

We’ve all heard the saying “Kids say the darndest things,” or “Kids say the funniest things.”

I might add “Kids repeat the most embarrassing things” or “Kids can instantly offend an elevator full of people of a different ethnic background” or “Kids can pinpoint exactly what will drive you over the edge in the middle of a really bad day and then proceed to do it at every opportunity.” How about “Kids can completely disappear in the displays at Home Depot in .02 seconds flat” or “Kids can argue with each other about EVERYTHING.”

In that vein, I'm sharing a few of the hilarious things my own darlings do/say:

When she was younger, my daughter thought everyone had two names—a first name and a password. (It took me days to realize she meant last name.)
At age 9, Professor stated: “At least three-quarters of songs are about love, because that’s what people understand the least—besides quantum physics.” **direct quote
Turbo used to save all the marshmallows in his Lucky Charms cereal until last. Then he chewed them up and spit them back into the bowl to make a colorful soup that he called “Marshmallow Paste.” (Okay, maybe that’s just gross and not funny, but I have to try and laugh at it so I don’t get sick. We no longer purchase Lucky Charms cereal.)
One day I was mowing the lawn and Princess ran up to me, hysterical. She had shoved a live roly-poly (potato bug/pill bug) up her nose! Beans, macaroni, a pencil eraser—yes. But a live bug?!
My two boys were fighting one day, and Turbo teased Professor saying that he had to go back to Kindergarten because he had misread an easy word. Professor complained about how mean his brother was and that “He didn’t need to attack my academic prowess!”
Turbo went through a time when he always wanted to be upside down on his head. Watching TV, at his friend’s house, at grandpa’s, in the car, outside at the park, etc. He even managed to go up the stairs upside down (and it was quite a feat, too!).
The other day I wore my hair in two braids. My oldest looked at me intently, then said he liked my hair like that because it made me look like a girl. I laughed and said that I am a girl. He replied, "No you're not. You're a mom." (I didn't realize motherhood came with that little gender change.)
Turbo used to squirt a layer of shampoo around the shower and slide all over in the suds, naked.
One day I punished Turbo with a spanking (sorry to all of those who are against that – it’s only in serious cases, like trying to choke a sibling). He looked at me and said, “Daddy spanks harder than you do.”

Hopefully this gives you a few chuckles. I'm sure I'll think of a whole bunch more once I post this. Aren't kids fun?

School's Out

2009-05-29T15:41:00.003-06:00

Today was officially the LAST day of school.

Now the delightful darlings and I have 2 1/2 months of unbroken time together. Even though at first I felt like the picture above, I decided that summer can be a fun time for us. It will just take a little planning on my part. So this weekend I'm putting together my game plan (probably in a list, since I love them so) and we will go do some fun things, do a lot of swimming, a little hiking, and other more structured, planned activities.

Hopefully that means our summer will be more like this:

I also foresee many home projects being finished, because when the darlings fight they owe me work. And I saved spring cleaning until now. *rubbing hands together in anticipation*

Joke of the Day

2009-05-27T15:28:00.001-06:00

Two members of Al Qaeda were sitting around drinking fermented goat's milk.

One pulls his wallet out and starts flipping through pictures and they start reminiscing.

"This is my oldest son, he's a martyr."

"This is my second son. He is a martyr also."

After a pause and a deep sigh, the other Al Qaeda guy says wistfully, "They blow up so fast, don't they?"

HA HA HA HA!!!

Stick Figure Family

2009-05-25T20:06:00.000-06:00

Ooo. A new way to procrastinate on the internet. (Because I can't find enough things to do online.)

Customize your own stick figure family and post it on your blog, facebook, or anywhere else. How fun!

Thinking of going raw?

2009-05-22T10:48:00.005-06:00

Many of us know (or at least have heard about) the touted health benefits to eating organic food. I admit that organic usually tastes better, but I have to appease the inner Penny Nazi and if I'm going to pay twice as much for organic, I pass. So I guess I'm a semi-convert to the organic thing, but I'm getting more converted all the time.

Have you ever thought about going raw?
I'm not talking the WWF Raw kind of raw. (Although it's perfectly okay if you want to have a smack down. *backing away slowly*) But I'm talking about the Raw Food Diet.

The raw food diet is a diet based on unprocessed and uncooked plant foods, such as fresh fruit and vegetables, sprouts, seeds, nuts, grains, beans, nuts, dried fruit, and seaweed.

The idea is that cooking food destroys enzymes and nutrients. So a raw diet typically consists of at least 75% "living" or "raw" food. Raw isn't some acronym or fancy name given to something. Raw means exactly what you think it means: raw. As in crunchy carrots a la Bugs Bunny vs. crinkle cut soft ones.

Proponents of the raw food diet believe it has numerous health benefits, including:

Increased energy
Improved skin appearance
Better digestion
Weight loss
Reduced risk of heart disease

(I do write non-fiction books, so yes I researched this. You can find out information here and here and here. Note: these links are pro-raw diet. There are those that disagree.) I think eating more raw food is probably a good idea, just for health and energy. But at this time I'm not completely switching over to it.

So why am I blogging about it?

Because my sister is much braver than me and has decided to jump in with both feet. Not only for health and weight reasons, but because her youngest child is special needs and many believe that diet can help modify behavior of children with various disorders. It only stands to reason that diet has some affect. (Ever fed your kids cotton candy? Yeah, then tell me food doesn't affect kids.)

My sister's blog is a great resource if you think you might want to give it a shot. She has links to different sites and shares her experiences (here's why she decided to go raw) and--more importantly--her recipes. That way she can tell you if something works or doesn't, and how she did it. She's already figuring things out, why not let her guide you?

For example, here's a post on The World's Best Chocolate that's 100% good for you. And here's a recipe for a perfect smoothie for St. Patrick's Day. Hint: It's very green. (I was real hesitant to try this out, but I was talking with another friend who raved about how much she loves her kale shakes for energy, so I guess kale--it's a kind of lettuce, I think--is on the shopping list.)

I'm not switching to raw, but I'm willing to give some things a shot. How about you?

Camera Thief

2009-05-19T17:35:00.005-06:00

We went to take pictures and found the picture card full. Strange. Last time I used the camera there was plenty of room. Hmmm, I wonder who the culprit is?

This is a small fraction of the surprise pictures we found. It was so nice of the one who "borrowed" our camera to leave clear evidence.

In case you don't have enough of ... me

2009-05-17T16:48:00.005-06:00

*I just realized this blog title might sound a bit arrogant. It is very tongue in cheek, fyi.

Remember I have another blog called Bookmom Musings that I encourage you to visit. That blog talks about the mysterious and almost heart-attack inducing excitement of being a writer, gives you weekly vocabulary you can use to sound all intelligent and snooty (if you need a word for the perfect butt, which sounds much better than "the perfect butt," for example), and shares fun you-tube videos about writing like this take of "Never Surrender" by Corey Hart. Not to mention my world-changing thoughts on publishing, movies, and anything else I want to blog about as I procrastinate working on the current book. (Because blogging is technically writing, so it's not as bad as--say--laying on the grass staring up at the sky, right?)

The latest fun at Bookmom Musings is this hilarious news report about the Star Trek movie that I shamelessly stole from someone else's blog.

Splashes of Happy

2009-05-15T09:27:00.012-06:00

Life is full of things that can make us worried, sad, fearful, angry, and a whole list of other feelings that can bring us down.

One thing that I've learned (and have to keep reminding myself) is that part of being happy is finding joy in the little things. For some reason today I'm thinking of them as little drips or splashes of happy. Like when you get splashed a little by a sprinkler when you walk by. But just remember, if you get enough splashes, those equal a wave. (Sorry if this analogy is too obscure, or just plain lame.)

I'm going to share some of my splashes of happy (the yard edition).

Lilacs are my favorite flower. And it's great when I get a whiff of their fragrance from a gust of wind from just the right direction. The other day I decided I wanted that fragrance in my house, too, so I snipped some and put it in a vase in the center of the kitchen table. My daughter almost exploded from excitement at the "girlie" idea (I'm not know for my "girlie" ways). She was so proud of me.

The water perry in my rock wall. This picture doesn't do justice to the happy little flowers.

The thyme plants, which bloom these cute purple flowers in the spring.

My garden.
Esp. these little tomato plants which I know will grow up to be great big plants of red, delicious bounty!

The iceplant in the rock wall.

Petunias. I just like them.

Our Golden Rain Tree.

My girly-girl's delight in mud.

So go enjoy your own splashes of happy. And share in the comments, if you feel so inclined. :)

Walking/running across America

2009-05-12T08:02:00.005-06:00

That's right! I've decided to RUN across America.

I'll start in the most northeast corner, which is Madawaska, Maine. I'm not sure where I'll end up, but probably somewhere in Southern California, with various detours along the way. (Maybe.)

Okay, before you get *too* impressed, I have to admit that I'm not really running across American in Forrest Gump style. I'm doing it virtually.

I've joined the virtual walking tour of Deborah Talmadge (who just happens to be my mom. Hi mom! *waving*). She came up with this baby genius creative way to make those miles on the treadmill a little more interesting. And the more people who join the more fun it will be!

Won't you join us walking/running across America this summer? And invite other family & friends to participate. Just link to Deborah's post that starts it all.

I'll keep a counter in the sidebar of how far I've gone and I'm really curious how long it will take me to get across the country. (From Augusta, Maine to Los Angeles, California is 3300 miles. Yikes!)

And we're off! This morning I ran 5 miles to kick start my Tour Across America!

How much is a mom worth? I'm over $100,000

2009-05-10T08:07:00.000-06:00

Happy Mother's Day!

Here's an article on "What is a Mother's Work Really Worth?" It talks a bit about the unpaid value of a mom and my favorite part is the link to a Moms Salary Wizard, where (according to the site) Families Can Customize Mom's Job Description and Create a "Mom Paycheck."

I took it for a whirl and , adjusting for median job salaries in my zip code, I am worth:

$146,475

I put in the hours I spend on different jobs per week (estimate) and the wizard calculated the hours I work, plus my hourly wage, and - the kicker - the overtime. This is what I could have been paid for a year for all the work I do on a regular basis.

You can even print out a check for that amount. I plan on printing it out and hanging it on the fridge so I can look at it on *those* days (you know the ones) and remind myself of the minimum value I'm giving my children.

So what are other moms worth?

*We all know a good mom or dad is truly priceless.

**And this is not a competition, just a fun little thing for Mother's Day.

No flowers for me- I want space battles for Mother's Day

2009-05-08T14:29:00.003-06:00

Last night my wonderful husband gave me my Mother's Day present early. He walked in the door with a huge smile and handed me two little pieces of multicolored paper:

Movie tickets to the new Star Trek movie!

I do believe I squealed and jumped up and down. (Does my darling know me or what?) And I guarantee he wouldn't have gotten that reaction with jewelry or flowers.

I know you're dying to know. How was the movie? One word:

AWESOME

Oh Great Big Globs of Romulon Red Matter was it awesome!

From start to finish. Good acting, great script, epic music, incredible effects. I think I've had enough space battles, explosions, and inside Trekkie jokes to last me until I go see it again. (And yes, I will. Right after Terminator: Salvation and Transformers 2 and G.I. Joe and Harry Potter and...and... and...)

If you're curious, here's a review of the movie which is more than one word.

Happy Mother's Day to me!!!

Optimism is overrated

2009-05-06T07:54:00.000-06:00

You know that earlier blog post about not giving up and being optimistic? Well, forget it!

I'm having a pity party.

Agent response from reading my full manuscript: "You’re a very strong writer and you have quite a commercial concept. That said, I just didn't connect with your manuscript to the extent that I need to in order to offer representation, so I'm going to have to pass. "

I'm going to pout for a few hours. Then I'll pull myself back together. But this pity party would be much more effective if I liked chocolate. Binging on baby carrots and yogurt just doesn't feel the same.

**Note: It's really annoying when you plan on wallowing in self pity and you're just too busy. By the time I have a spare minute I'll probably be getting over it.

Spring Break (only a few weeks late)

2009-05-04T11:22:00.030-06:00

Whew! Time sure flies. I *finally* uploaded the pictures from our Spring Break trip to San Francisco. We got to spend a few days with Jason's brother John & his family who we don't see too often. It was a trip full of driving (yes, we drove), family, fun, and lots of cold wind. *brrrr* No sunny California for our spring break, but that's okay.

So on to the pics:

The California Academy of Sciences

In Golden Gate Park - a beautiful place. The Academy was really cool, and obviously half of the city thought so too, because it was packed! It took more of the day than we had planned, but it was way cool.

The Aquarium

I really, really wouldn't want to run into this guy in a swamp.

Princess's favorite butterfly in the rainforest dome.

Can we have one for a pet, mom?

** No animal was harmed in the taking of this photo. It's not a real turtle.
In case you were worried.**

On to the Golden Gate Bridge.

Here you can see how HUGE the cables are!

Taking BART to the city

Alcatraz

On the tour.

Think long and hard about your behavior from now on, boys. Alcatraz gave mom some great ideas. And yes, that *is* a threat.

Solitary confinement... not a bad idea.

No more whining. I mean it!

Anyone else think the fabulous view from the prison might have been cruel and unusual punishment? Oh, wait. They were locked up inside. Nevermind.

The movie we saw--twice--on the trip. And every day since then we've heard "She likes to Move It, Move It. He likes to Move It, Move It" ad nauseum. It's almost like our morning get-ready-for-school theme song.

The book on CD we listened to for many hours of driving. It kept the kids' interest - which kept them from fighting (as much). Bless you, Brandon Mull!

Jason & I also went for a run in some beautiful country. It gave me spring fever like nothing else! Then the next day my friend texted me a pic of the 4 inches of snow in our backyard. :(

I thought I took more pictures than I apparently had. Like any pictures with cousins, or on the cable car. *facepalm* I'll have to get those from my SIL Samantha. (Please, Samantha?)

We had a good time and I foresee more San Francisco trips in the future.

Swine Flu scare

2009-04-30T11:12:00.002-06:00

I don't have a whole lot to say about it. You'll want to check into news sites for information, not this blog. However, I do have to share this phrase, which I *wish* I'd thought of.

Aporkalypse Now

*laugh* *snort* *chortle*

Move over Bella & Edward, here come Stella & Tedward!

2009-04-29T07:52:00.000-06:00

One of the highlights of the conference for me was this chapter by Spencer McKay, who didn't make the deadline for the First Chapter Writing Contest (the lucky grand prize winners won an Amazon Kindle II and an Alphasmart Neo - I don't have either, and I want them both!) but Tristi Pinkston graciously read the scene for all the attendees. I was laughing so hard I cried, which was a little unfair since I had to get up right after and announce the winners of the contest.

So, if you love Twilight (book or movie), here's the scene for your enjoyment:

* * *

“I know what you are,” I said. I looked at Tedward. “Your skin is green. You’re impossibly cheerful. You pay for everything with gold coins.”

“Say it,” he urged.

“You’re … a leprechaun.”

“Yes, Stella,” he said. “I am a leprechaun. How did you figure it out?”

“Hopsy told me.”

Tedward growled. “Hopsy is my mortal enemy. His people and my people have been enemies for years. Finally a truce was made, but it’s an uneasy truce. Leprechauns and Easter Bunnies will never be friends.” He reached out and touched my face. “I’m glad you know the truth about me, Stella. But I’m not just any leprechaun—I’m an evil leprechaun.”

“I’m not scared of you,” I said.

“You should be,” he said. Suddenly he was at my side. Then he was on my left. Then he was on my right. Then he was hanging upside down from a nearby branch. He was making me dizzy—or was it his sparkling white smile that made me weak?

“I could kill you,” he said. “I could rip you in pieces and eat this half with mustard and that half with ketchup.”

“You wouldn’t do that,” I said.

He reached out to touch my face. “But I could.”

“But you wouldn’t,” I said.

He trailed his fingers down my face. “I could strangle you and leave you out here in the woods.”

“Do go on,” I said.

“No, Stella,” he said, touching my face. “I have a rope in my backpack. I could hang you. You shouldn’t trust me.”

“But you won’t hurt me.”

He opened his jacket and I saw a gun in a holster under his arm. “This is a Glock. I could shoot you right now. I have thirty-seven vials of poison in my pocket. Plus, I have a knife in my boot. You shouldn’t trust me, Stella. I’m telling you. I’m dangerous. But, I love you, all these death threats notwithstanding."

I reached out and slapped his arm. “Silly boy! Whatever would you want with me? I’m just a wan, pale, homely little thing.”

“Stella, don’t you know how beautiful you are?”

“No, no, I don’t. I am wan and pale and homely.”

He touched my face. “You are beautiful. And your smell … do you have any idea how good you smell?”

I picked up a piece of my hair and sniffed it. “I’ve been told I smell like freesia …

“Freesia? Who would want to eat freesia? Girl, you smell like a double bacon cheeseburger with a side order of onion rings. And a Diet Coke.”

“A Diet Coke?”

“A Diet Coke. Do you see why you’re in danger?”

“You’d kill me for a Diet Coke? Real Coke, maybe I can see, but Diet Coke?”

“You shouldn’t be with me, Stella. I’m no good for you.”

“But Tedward, I trust you. After you saved me from the collapsing bridge and the falling tower and the crashing bus and the stampeding elephants and the cholera and the tumbling shopping mall, how could I not trust you?”

“But you can’t! Don’t you see? Your fingers look like French fries …”

“I thought you said I smelled like onion rings.”

He groaned. “Don’t remind me. You’re making it worse.”

“I trust you, Tedward. I believe in you.”

He reached out to touch my face.

After you finish laughing pop over to author Tristi Pinkston's blog where Spencer guest-blogged and read his comments.

Forget books, I'm going into music videos

2009-04-27T11:13:00.004-06:00

Last weekend was the LDStorymaker's Writer's Conference and it was an incredible event! I was privileged to be on the conference committee that put it together. One of the fun (and perhaps foolish) things I agreed to do was help with a music video that was a spoof of the Nickelback song "Rockstar." This one is called "I Wanna Be a Bestseller" and it's for all the writers in the world. It stars authors and friends, who all would love to be a bestseller.

(I can't believe I'm sharing this...) Hit it!

And here are the lyrics (thanks to authors Heather Moore and Crystal Liechty):

I'm through with submitting to agents who won't read my queries
It's the end of the world if I never get published
This novel hasn't turned out quite the way I want it to be
(Tell me what you want)

I want a two-book deal, for a hundred million bucks
And a bathroom I can use my laptop in
And a king-sized office big enought for my ego 'n me
(Tell me what you need)

I need a five-star listing from Kirkus Review
And a medal from the Newbury committee too
Gotta hit the New York Times list the first week my book is out
(Been there, done that)

I want a cabin full of Whitney Awards
And a top ten rating on Amazon
Somewhere between J.K. and Stephenie is fine for me
(So how you gonna do it?)

I'm gonna trade this book for fortune and fame
I'd even change the end and get a pen name

[Chorus]
'Cause we all just wanna be Big Best Sellers
And live in huge houses getting great big checks
the muse comes asy and the words come cheap
We'll all stay skinny 'cause we're too stressed to eat
And we'll hang out at the Book Expo
In the VIP with Stephenie Meyer
Every vampire writer's gonna wind up there
Every wanna-be author with their chapters to share

Hey, hey, I wanna be a Bestseller
Hey, hey, I wanna be a Bestseller

I wanna be great like Dan Brown without the angels
Hire three assistants to answer my emails
Take a two week tour and expense my signings for free
(See ya in Barnes and Noble, ha ha)

I'll bring bathrobes 'n slippers back into fashoin
Call my editor from my agent's mansion
Gonna date an actor who wants to star in my movie deals
(So how you gonna do it?)

[Chorus]
'Cause we all just wanna be Big Best Sellers
And live in huge houses getting great big checks
the muse comes asy and the words come cheap
We'll all stay skinny 'cause we're too stressed to eat
And we'll hang out at the Book Expo
In the VIP with Stephenie Meyer
Every vampire writer's gonna wind up there
Every wanna-be author with their chapters to share
I'll be too busy to check my reviews
Won't matter to me 'cause Paramount's on line two
I'll remember what it used to be like back when
My books got rejected by even my friends

Hey, hey, I wanna be a Bestseller
Hey, hey, I wanna be a Bestseller

Gonna sue anyone who has a similar story
Gonna act real surprised at all my glory
I'll get famous authors to endorse my book
Tell Oprah how I come up with my hook

'Cause we all just wanna be Big Best Sellers
And live in huge houses getting great big checks
the muse comes asy and the words come cheap
We'll all stay skinny 'cause we're too stressed to eat
And we'll hang out at the Book Expo
Gonna follow Stephenie Meyer around the show
Every vampire writer's gonna wind up there
Every wanna-be author with their chapters to share

Gonna sue anyone who has a similar story
Gonna act real surprised at all my glory
I'll get famous authors to endorse my book
Tell Oprah how I come up with my hook

Hey, hey, I wanna be a Bestseller
Hey, hey, I wanna be a Bestseller

Funny LDS humor

2009-04-24T08:56:00.000-06:00

I feel it's a good time to throw in some LDS humor. (Sorry if you're not LDS, as it won't be nearly as funny.)

This is the front of a T-shirt at Shameless Humor.

The copy about the shirt reads:
Kissing is okay, but there are lines that need to be drawn,
and they need to be drawn as soon as possible,
like the very moment you meet someone.

*I wish I'd had this in high school*

You can also get a T-shirt that says "Fetch Off and Die." You know, for *those* kind of days.

I was procrastinating and found a funny blog that tickled my sleep-deprived funny bone. It's called My Religious Blog and it features, among other things, a new drink called "Sheri Dew" (think Mountain Dew) and "Puns of Perdition." Ha ha ha!

*Note: I tried multiple times to insert the Sheri Dew drink picture into this blog, but blogger obviously hates it. Do I sense a religious bias? Hmmm?*

A must-see movie

2009-04-22T20:52:00.000-06:00

Here's the movie trailer from one of my favorite books of all time: My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Piccoult.

And if you're curious, here's the post on my other blog where I recommend the book. I am so there. With a whole box of tissues (trust me, you'll need them).

She Lives!

2009-04-20T21:14:00.003-06:00

Barely.

I'm really involved in a writer's conference this weekend so there aren't a whole lot of free brain cells at the moment, but here's a link to a great blog post about Susan Boyle and not giving up.

If you are like me and are one of the few people in the country that hasn't seen the clip of Susan Boyle in the show Britain's Got Talent (I saw it yesterday), then here's a youtube clip of it. Watch it first here.

Then read the blog "How Do You Know When To Quit" at Murderati. It's inspirational.

So find your dream and don't give up!

(And just ignore those 35 agent rejections, dangit!)

Beeeeep

2009-04-11T08:56:00.003-06:00

Just to let you know that The Theler Five will be off air for a little while, but we'll be back soon.

Happy Easter!

Thinking of Spring

2009-04-08T16:52:00.004-06:00

We have a happy little plant in our rock wall that's the first thing to bloom every spring.

If a picture is worth a thousand words, here's a good little story. And it's almost the same color as the blog background! (I so planned that.) (Not really.)

*I was even happy to see that little bee. Maybe I'll call him George.

Snow, soreness, and revisions, oh my!

2009-04-06T10:04:00.003-06:00

Sorry for the blog silence the last little while. I had one agent give me suggestions for a major-ish rewrite of the manuscript I'm shopping around, then I had another agent ask for the full manuscript. (WOOT!!) But I wanted to give her the best version so I pretty much ignored everything that wasn't essential (like housework, dinner, brushing my hair, the phone, etc.) to do the revisions the first agent suggested so I could send the revised book to the second agent. And do it in a short enough time so the second agent didn't think I was blowing her off or something. I sent the final, new & improved, version off this morning. *whew*

And in the middle of all that I ran my first half-marathon race (that's 13.1 miles for all you non-runner types). In the snow. And cold. Did I mention it was snowing?

I'd like to think that I looked all composed and athletic when I was done, like this pic.

But it was realistically more like this:

And I want to apologize to the people in the parking garage who didn't want to watch me wiggle out of my soaking wet clothes and change into dry ones (thanks to Jenn for the great advice!) but it really helped.

I'm happy with my performance. I pushed myself and finished in 1 hour 47 minutes, which is a pretty steady pace of about 8 minutes per mile. Yea! The guy who won the whole thing finished in 1 hour 9 minutes. That's just unbelievably fast! I'll take my time, though.

A couple of fun things to share about the race. It snowed the whole time. Oh, wait. I already mentioned that. *But* there were still people running in shorts and tank tops. I was all layered up with gloves and fuzzy wrap covering my ears.

There was also a pretty big crowd, so we were crammed together in the lane of the road that was cordoned off. I was sort of close to the starting line and could see some race official stand on a truck and yell for a minute. I have no idea what he said, because none of us could hear him. Then a gun went off. Many people (me included) weren't expecting it so a lot of ladies screamed. I didn't, but I sure jumped. I thought that was kind of funny.

Another interesting thing was that there was a division of the half-marathon that was a relay race, so I couldn't let all the runners blowing past me after mile 6.5 phase me, because some of them were in the relay and so had just started.

One important thing I learned is that it's not easy to drink Gatorade from a little Dixie cup while running. Is very messy.

Even though I was pretty sore yesterday, overall it was a fun experience and I'll probably run another one. I've had a lot of people ask me if I'm going for a marathon next, and the answer is "No." Sorry. I have no desire. Two hours of straight running is plenty. Much longer than that and I think I'd just get bored. I will do some more Sprint Triathlons, though. But not in the snow.

I'm All About the Crockpot

2009-04-02T12:27:00.002-06:00

What's better than throwing a bunch of ingredients in a pot, forgetting about it for several hours, and then having dinner all ready with minimum effort on your part?

Your husband doing it. And he found a good recipe the other day that I thought I'd share.

Black Bean Chicken Bowl
**Not a great title. If it were a book, the marketing department would have tossed it out on it's ear and picked a new one, like maybe Beans, Chicken, and a Tasty Hint of Chili: One woman's journey with her crock pot. I'll let you pick the recipe name.**

Ingredients:
4 boneless/skinless chicken breasts
1/2 cup chopped onion
1 can chicken broth
1 can diced tomatoes
1 can black beans (rinsed and drained)
1 cup frozen corn
1 Tbsp chili powder
1 tsp cumin
1 tsp salt

Directions:
Add all ingredients to the crock pot. Cook on HIGH for 3-4 hours. Remove chicken and shred/chop and then return to crock pot. Serve.

Voila! Dinner is served!

We are going to alter the recipe just a little bit for our family's tastes. We will only add 2 chicken breasts (there was a veritable plethora of chicken with 4), 2 cans of broth, 2 cans of beans, and half a tsp/Tbsp more of the spices to make up for the extra beans & broth.

Enjoy!

Everybody run & hide!

2009-04-01T12:38:00.005-06:00

It's the...

CONFICKER WORM!!

That virus that's already infected thousands--nay, hundreds of thousands--of computers, only *lower voice to a whisper* you don't know it yet.

That's right ladies and gentleman! It's mean. It's nasty. It will steal all your personal information for some acne-ridden hacker to use for obscene amounts of Star Wars paraphernalia! Or X-box games from Walmart.com.

And it goes live on April 1st!

BEWARE! Assume you're already infected and just go download this, or this, or that. Or... better yet, go to your friend's computer which you hope isn't infected and download the fix-it software, then email it to yourself. Then install it to get rid of the nasty worm. We think.

But no matter what, back up *everything* cause chances are you'll lose it all. *Gasp* *Panic* *Run through the streets screaming like a banshee*

Yet, here we are. April 1st. *yawn*

This is so Y2K. Remember that? All kinds of panic and then... nothing.

Yeah, April Fools on us all. I think the companies that sell external hard drives or web-based backup services were in on it.

*You can read all about the Conficker worm here or here.*